As parents most of us have an ideal picture of what we want our children to be like when they grow up. Some of us are more specific than others with regards to the personality traits and behaviours we wish for our children, but for most of us ‘happy’, ‘honest’ and ‘confident’ feature high on our wish-list. Next, we think “What can I do to help my children to become such adults? Are my parenting skills good enough?” Parents in multilingual families usually have one more wish – for the children to become bilingual. And we have one more worry “Will I be able to bring up bilingual children?” I believe the answer to that question is “Yes, you will be successful” – let me tell you why.

1. You are reading this post

The mere fact that you have taken some time to read this post (and I am sure many others, too!) means that you are actively thinking about the task at hand. Whether you realise it or not, every time you read about raising a bilingual child, you learn something. Every story you hear about other multilingual families gives you ideas and insights into what you can do in your family. And there are lots of similar families out there!

2. Millions of other parents have succeeded

There are millions and millions of children across the world are growing up bilingual at this very moment. Actually the majority of all kids grow up to become bilingual – it may not feel like it when you look around in your own community, but it is a fact. “But what about all those families that didn’t succeed?”  you may ask. Having talked to parents whose children have grown up to only speak the majority language, I have found that the common denominator is usually that they family never really thought about the language situation. The parents – often bilinguals themselves – thought it would just happen – that their children would become active bilinguals just like they did themselves. You are however thinking about it – you are here!

3. Languages are important to you

The more important something is to us, the harder we work for it. It is in the human nature to put in extra effort when we deal with something that is close to our heart. Clearly you think highly of language skills and appreciate the benefits of being bilingual. I firmly believe that the more people learn more than one language and are able to communicate across cultural and geographical borders, the better we can get along. More language skills mean more understanding.

4. You have a goal

Setting a clear goal hugely increases the chances of success in any scenario, and your goal is clear: to raise a bilingual child. Having a goal focuses your mind and you are intuitively drawn to actions and solutions that put you on the path to success, and remember – you are the one who defines what success looks like. Every family is different. If your goal is for your child to understand a language, that is as valid a goal as wanting your child to be able to attend university in the target language. You know what is best and what works for your family.

5. Reach out and you will find support

Even if you are the only person speaking your language with your children.
Even if your partner or extended family is not supportive.
Even if you yourself didn’t become bilingual although you grew up in a multilingual family.
Even if you don’t think you have the time to commit.
Even if you feel that it is all too hard and you are doubting the outcome.

No matter which “even if” may apply to you, you can still succeed, because there are so many resources, other parents and those who can offer you helpful advice and encouragement when you need it.

We are with you and we have your back!

“We are doing OPOL and I find it impossible to stay consistent in my language use – is my child’s bilingualism doomed?” – this question (or perhaps a less dramatic version of it) often pops up in forums for parents raising bilingual kids. Among the replies you will find on one hand those who state that the poor kid’s bilingualism is indeed destined for a very bleak, if not non-existent, future (because it happened in their family), and on the other hand those who are convinced that it is all going to be fine (as it was with their kids). Who is right?

Without knowing the circumstances in which a child is growing up bilingual, you cannot determine the importance of consistency when following the OPOL – one parent, one language family language strategy. What is fine in one family could be a threat to the minority language in another.

How to know what applies in your family’s case?

Take these five things into consideration and you should get a clearer picture about your own family’s situation:

1. The exposure time

As a rule of thumb you can judge the level of consistency needed in relation to how much of your child’s waking time (during a week) he or she is exposed to and interacts in the minority language. If you reach up to half of the exposure time in the minority language, then the importance of consistency is considerably less than if your little one only comes in contact with the minority language a couple of hours a day. The less language exposure, the more important it is to be consistent. If both parents switch between two languages in equal measure, the family would be following a two parents, two languages (2P2L) strategy, which has in fact been proven to be at least as effective as OPOL.

2. Language mixing and code-switching

Switching from one language to another, even within the same sentence, is normal behaviour in discussions between bilinguals who know all the languages used, this is called code-switching. It is not a random mixing of words, but has its own intricate rules and defined reasons. If this is the way you speak for example with your spouse, you do not have to stop it because you have decided to do OPOL to bring up your child to be bilingual. Also keep in mind that small bilingual children often mix their languages when they learn them, but that is not because they are mimicking their parents, but because it takes a while for them to separate their languages.

3. Child’s personality and age

The more a child speaks a language the more it learns of it. If your child is of a shy nature, more of a thinker than a talker, then you may need to be more consistent in your language use, as you will get less opportunities to interact. Also, the older and the more proficient a child is in the minority language, the lesser the need for consistency. With the age, the awareness of the different languages grows.

4. Reading in different languages

Any reading is better than no reading. Many parents worry that if they do OPOL they can only read in the language that they have chosen to speak with the child. Children are very apt at keeping languages separate in an OPOL family, and there is no need to be overly strict with the language a book is in. Of course, to support the minority language, my recommendation is to read as much as possible in it, but if a child really wants you to read a book in a language that is not “yours”, just do it. Even if you have read a book in the “other” language, you can still discuss it in “yours” and in this way you are acting as the perfect role model of a bilingual person. However, if you are used to translating on the fly, please feel free to continue. Main thing there is a lot of reading going on in the family! If you do find that all the reading tilts in favour of the majority language, then I would recommend that you work on finding other minority language books that your child is interested in.

5. Safeguarding the minority language

If you are the only person speaking a language with your child and you want your little one to learn it, then you do have to be the one speaking it with him or her. A child learns best through interaction and the more you speak the better your child will learn. Sticking to your language also means that you are creating a (hopefully life-long) habit between the two of you. The more automatic the choice of the minority language as a means of communication, the higher the chances are that your child will become a fluent speaker of it.

By being consistent in your language use early on in your child life, you are also building a “defence” for when the circumstances change and your kid gets more exposed to the majority language. A crucial phase is when your child starts nursery or school. The stronger the habit to speak only a specific language with you, the bigger the chance that your child will stick to it.

Whatever you do, do not let the choice of language become a stress factor, family languages are important but not more important than a happy family life. Also, never criticize other parents for their choices – and if you are asked for an opinion, remember that everyone’s circumstances are different.

Amongst the most frequently expressed worries in different forums for parents raising bilingual children are concerns about potential delays in language development. Several research studies have found that bilingualism does not cause language delay

Why do parents worry?

Why are parents concerned, when facts clearly state that they should not be? Not all mums and dads have had the time or the opportunity to read up on language development in bilingual children. After all, children just learn to speak by default, yes? And even if you have read and know the facts, when it is your own child, the stakes are high and you want to feel totally sure you are doing the right thing.

Seeking advice from other parents

When a fleeting comment or a question causes a concern (“My son knew this many words at your daughter’s age”, “Does your son put two words together yet?) – what do parents do to find advice? They search on the internet and ask other parents. While I am thankful that mums and dads have this resource at their fingertips (literally), sometimes a question can open a can of worms and not all suggestions are helpful. Why? Because children are different, their environments are different, the parents are different – no two situations are the same. What is true for one child may not be at all applicable to another.

Not all professionals understand bilingualism

Thankfully the facts about bilingualism and how bilingual children’s languages develop are getting more and more widely known. However, it was only a few decades ago when speech and language therapists were taught that children with diagnosed language related issues should only speak one language and the parents were told to drop a language. We now know this is wrong advice.

All recommendations are based on averages

I understand that especially first-time parents are worried – the paediatrician mentions a certain amount of words a child should know at a certain age. Guidelines are necessary so we can keep track of a child’s progress, however, we should also remember that they are an average of several findings, all of which are classified as normal. There are huge differences between the pace of children’s linguistic development, independent of whether they are learning to speak one or more languages.

Bilingual children should be assessed in all their languages

All too often bilingual children still get assessed in only one of their languages – such tests will never give a true reflection of their real language abilities. If you are in a situation where an assessment is needed, do your homework and try to find a therapist who is experienced in dealing with bilinguals. If this is not possible, make sure discuss your family’s language situation with the therapist in advance – should you notice a negative attitude towards several languages in your family, find another therapist and recommend books such as Assessing Multilingual Children: Disentangling Bilingualism from Language Impairment as vital reading for them.

Whatever the difference, bilingual children catch up (and often overtake)

Bilingual children might say their first words slightly later than monolinguals, but still within the normal range. This is natural when you think of the enormous task the little brain has in making sense of more than one language! Research and the experience of many parents of multilingual children confirm that by the age of about five bilingual children are at the same level as monolingual children in their strongest languages. Of course, if a child is learning, let’s say, four or more languages at the same time, all languages will not develop at the same pace.

What we see are different ways of getting to the same language level – the monolingual standard, which has been prevailing until very recently, is only a part of the true story of children’s language development. You could compare it to a situation when you tell a group of people to be at a certain place at a certain time and when you find that everyone has arrived in time, you criticize those who took a different route than the main one.

Just like monolingual children, bilingual kids also have speech and language related problems

As parents of bilingual children we should however not ignore possible real language delays, because they do exist, just like with monolingual children, but they are not due to multilingualism in the family. Children who have a delayed language development would be delayed independent of whether they are mono- or multilingual. If you are concerned, get in touch with a specialist and ask for an assessment of your child’s linguistic abilities.

What to do if you do worry

There are certain things you can do to alleviate worries about your child’s language development:
1. Is your bilingual child’s hearing alright? – difficulties with hearing often cause issues with speech.
2. Does your toddler understand simple commands in the family languages? – if yes, this means that he or she is picking up the languages.
3. Can you see your child’s language developing, i.e. is the vocabulary increasing and the understanding growing? To help with this, keep a diary of all the words (in different languages) that your child is using. This diary will also be of great help, should you need to get in touch with a therapist.

Trust your instincts

Independent of everything said here and what others tell you, ultimately you are the person who knows your bilingual child best. If you feel that something is not right, then get in touch with a speech and language therapist who can deal with bilingual children and ask for advice and an assessment. If there is a real language related issues, the earlier it is caught, the easier it is to treat.

As parents we want to do what’s best for our children – this affects how we behave in our everyday lives when it comes to choice of anything from food and clothing to school and the place we live in. In addition, parents of bilingual children have one more aspect to take into consideration: the languages our kids speak and how to maintain and boost them. This becomes especially prevalent during holidays.

1 – Talking more

We worry about the exposure time for the minority language, so in families with only one parent speaking the minority language, holidays is the time when he or she tries to talk and read as much as possible and about different topics with the kids.

2 – Picking a summer course

If we have a chance to send our children to a summer course, we always look for ways to boost the minority language as well. This becomes even more important if we do not have the chance to travel somewhere where the family’s minority language is spoken.

3 – Children’s playdates

As long as we are allowed to pick who our kids socialise with, we do our utmost to find other families with the same language combinations to find other children for our kids to chat with. If we find a family which has recently moved to the country, we are over the moon, as their kids will most likely still prefer to speak the minority language.

4 – Selecting what the kids watch

Especially if the weather is not that great during the holidays (although I do believe that “There is no bad weather, only bad clothing!”), the kids might end up watching more TV programs and online videos than normal. While we have heard that too much screen time is not good for our kids, we appease our conscience by picking programs in the minority language “At least they might pick up a word or two!”

5 – Choice of holiday destination

Multilingual families often have relatives in other countries and this means that the obvious choice of travel destination is to visit grandparents or other extended family members. Only few of us can take more than one trip a year (if even that), so when choosing where to go, we often forego what would be ‘sunniest’, ‘most exciting’ or ‘different from anything we have done before’. However, we do our very best to make our kids enjoy their holidays, as our desire is for them to want to come back again.

6 – When to travel

Closely related to the above, our relatives’ holidays affect when we travel. We know that being immersed in the language is a highly effective booster. We want our children to make the most of their stay and to spend as much time with cousins and other kids who speak the minority language as their main language. We plan ahead and book our trip for when they are off school as well. Not always possible, but we try.

7 – What kind of toys

When we get access to toys that “speak” our children’s minority language, we go wild. A cuddly toy singing lullabies in the right language is a real find (although, like any other parents, after having listened to them non-stop for months and months we may well regret our buy). If the family’s minority language has a different script or special characters, anything involving an alphabet is on the top of the shopping list, be it a puzzle, building blocks, picture books or a wall chart. Sometimes we do let our kids have a say as well.

8 – Being particular about books

We are also meticulous when purchasing minority language books for our kids. What looks most interesting is not always our first criteria, instead we check whether the book was originally written in the minority language, as this is our preferred choice above translations. It is not that we mistrust translations, but we want to make sure that the books also convey the correct cultural message, we want it to be the “real thing”.

9 – Keeping old magazines

You buy a magazine, read it, and after a while, you throw it away (or preferably recycle it) – that is the normal lifecycle of a magazine. Not for parents of bilingual children though – we keep the magazines and even carry them home from holiday. They are excellent for rereading, spotting new words, learning new phrases, and once they disintegrate due to the frequent use, we cut out words and pictures for collages and other crafts.

10 – Recording grandparents

We love watching our kids intently listen to their grandparents, aunts, uncles or elder cousins read for them in the minority language. We know how important it is that our children hear different people speak the language and want to savour and save this moment. What do we do? We ask if we can record the story time to play it again to our kids when we come home.