Motivating a child to speak the minority language

“If you had to choose one tip, which would be your most effective one for encouraging kids to use the minority language?” was the question I asked other bloggers to answer, and I am very much looking forward to the responses. I also asked myself and instantly I thought of Pricken, our Swedish-speaking kitten!

If you have listened to any of my interviews, been to one of my talks or read my book, you would already be familiar with Pricken, but I feel he is still worth the mention. Why? Let me tell you.

Pricken came to play an important role in my eldest daughter’s language learning. The story about Pricken shows how a little bit of creative thinking can come to the rescue when you are stuck and don’t know how to motivate your child to fall more in love with the minority language. I also hope it can serve as an inspiration to other parents who want to start teaching their child an additional language.

Family language background

I grew up in a bilingual home (Swedish and Finnish) and felt comfortable speaking both, so for me it was equally as easy to speak one or the other of the languages to my eldest daughter when she was born. Her father’s mother tongue was Punjabi and at the time he was still learning Finnish. It was clear from the start that we wanted her to learn Punjabi, so she could communicate with her grandparents and relatives in India.

To avoid making the language situation too complicated, I chose to speak Finnish with her. I knew however, that at some point I would have to switch to Swedish, as I wanted her to do her education in Swedish, which is an official minority language in Finland

My daughter was an early speaker and very quickly picked up that mummy’s and daddy’s languages were different. Already when she was not yet able to put together a sentence, she translated words she knew in both languages.

Changing the language I spoke with my daughter, and how I miserably failed

When she was five years old, I decided it was time to introduce Swedish. In Finland children do not go to school until they are seven, so I still had time to pass on my other mother tongue to her. She had of course heard me speak Swedish with her grandfather and other people and she had attended a bilingual kindergarten, so I didn’t think it would be that hard to start teaching her. How wrong was I!

My attempts to speak Swedish were met by her total refusal to listen. With all the determination a five-year-old can muster she ignored everything I said in Swedish. She didn’t show the remotest bit of interest in the language. I had expected some reluctance on her part, but I could never have imagined how completely against the idea she would be.

In hindsight, her reaction is however very much understandable – the language you speak with someone is a vital part of your relationship. Any bilingual knows how odd it feels when you have to speak the “wrong” language to someone (for example when there are monolinguals present). When a parent tries to change such an intrinsic part in the relationship, what is a child to do? Rebel, of course.

Kitten to the rescue

All attempts to introduce Swedish through songs, her favourite stories, children’s programmes and the like failed. I needed a better plan and after some desperate time of pondering what could make my daughter change her mind and embrace Swedish, I thought of something that might have a chance to work.

A kitten! She had always wanted a kitten, so I decided that we would finally get her one – she was of course delighted. The thing was – as I presented it to her – that the kitten came from a Swedish-speaking family, and didn’t know any Finnish. I admit not being totally honest and pulling her heartstrings to get what I wanted when I said that surely we couldn’t be so cruel to not only take the kitten away from its family, but then also speak a language it didn’t understand. It was music to my ears when she agreed and asked me if I could speak Swedish to the kitten so it would feel at home!

And speak I did – Pricken (word for ‘dot’ in Swedish after a small black spot on its nose) must have been the most spoken to kitten in the country! Soon my daughter also wanted to say something to her kitten and it was amazing how the receptive knowledge she had of Swedish started to turn into an active skill. She asked me words and phrases and slowly, Swedish became an accepted language of communication between the two (three) of us. I then gradually moved to only speaking Swedish with her even when Pricken wasn’t with us.

Sadly, Pricken disappeared after about six months – maybe it wanted some peace and quiet, I do not know, but it had however done a big favour for our family. Pricken brought in Swedish to our home and I was able to build on this. Two years later my daughter was ready to start school, the Swedish-speaking village school.

Should all parents of reluctant minority speakers get a pet?

What is the moral of the story? Buy a pet? No, please do not to rush out and get a pet – though if you have considered getting one in any case, please feel free to use my approach if it is one that flies with your child.

The moral of the story is that a child will be very reluctant to speak a language, if there is no need and want for it. Reasons such as “It will be useful for you in the future” or “This is really important to mummy/daddy” are not effective motivators for a child. Think carefully about what is important (or fun!) for your child, put yourself in their shoes, then find a way to make this motivator part of the language learning and use. Good luck!

“You must start speaking your language to your baby from day one!”
“She is already three and you haven’t started yet? She won’t sound like a native!”
“If you don’t introduce the language before he goes to school, you have missed your chance!”
“Older than seven and he will not get fluent!”
“Do you really think your teenager will be interested?!”

If you are considering passing on your language to your child and you ask for advice – depending on how old your kid is, those are some of the answers you may get. As it happens, they are all WRONG.

It is never too late to start. You have not missed the boat.

Your child can still become fluent and sound like a native and yes, your budding adult offspring can still learn the family language.

Children can become fluent at any age

Contrary to what you may have heard or read, there is no hard and fast age before which a child has to start learning a language to be able to speak it well. Children of any age can become fluent in a language. It is easier to start with a language when kids are younger, but there are many ways to make this transition easier.

Researchers are also not agreed on an “age limit” for learning to speak a language without an accent. Some claim that children who have learnt a language before the age of about seven usually end up speaking the language accent-free, others quote different ages. Anyone can learn to speak without an accent even as an adult, it just requires a more conscious effort and sometimes guidance from a professional.

Even if you start introducing your language when your children are in their teens and may only learn to understand the language, it is still beneficial. If they were to decide to study the language later in life, it would be so much easier for them to learn. As a matter of fact, teenagers are actually better than small children at learning a language as they can think about the process in a more structured way.

Children have the time to learn

Yes, young children do learn languages amazingly quickly, but consider this: If you or were given three or four years during which you do not have to concentrate on anything else than learning the language – do you think you would learn it? I would say, probably yes. Especially if you, like children, had the added luxury of people around you speak to you a lot, at your pace and at the appropriate level, with words that you can understand. Your conversation partners would also read books to you and explain new words. What we as adults miss, is the time and the opportunity to be immersed in a language.

How to introduce your language

It is never too late to start, but it is true that the earlier you begin, the easier you will find it. The longer you wait before you start talking to your child in your language, the more effort you have to put in to change language, but it can be done, the motivation to do it just has to be that bit stronger and of course, age-appropriate.

Your six-month-old little princess won’t question the language you speak to her. She just wants to hear your voice and be with you. By the time she says her first words, a language pattern has usually been established in the family, and she may no longer accept the change as easily – even more so when she is a bit older. Then you will need to come up with a way for her to want to speak your langue. Use whatever positive method that usually works to get her to do what you know is good for her.

I would also unashamedly resort to small white fibs to get the language to be accepted: “The new action figure can only speak my language”, or blatant bribery: “Tell me that in my language and we’ll play cricket an hour longer on Sunday” and whatever trickery you can come up with. If your child is a bit older, discuss the language choice and explain why the language is important to you and why you want to change. Whatever you do, avoid threats and criticism and remember to make it fun.

Ignore comments about it being too late, whatever age your child is – any knowledge of, or even just a positive attitude towards the language will be beneficial in the future. Also, if you set your mind to it and make the language a focus in your family life, the results will be great. And I promise, your child will be thankful to you for it – it may take a few years for the appreciation to appear, but it will!

As the benefits of bilingualism are getting more widely known and the old myths about it dispelled, more and more parents decide to pass on the family languages to their children, giving them the gift of an additional language, fantastic! But what if everything doesn’t go to plan and your baby grows up to be a toddler, school kid or teenager who can or will not speak your language? How can you (re)introduce it?

First of all, be prepared for some hard work – the amount of determination and patience you need to succeed is in direct relation to:
a. how old your children are (the younger they are, the easier it is),
b. how much they know of your language, are they receptive bilinguals? (the more they know, the easier it is) and
c. how well you can motivate them to learn it (the more motivated they are, the easier it is)

Also, before you start, I recommend that you plan ahead so you can be better prepared. You can do this by answering some questions:

a. Why do you want your children to learn your language?
Make sure that the reasons you list are based on your own feelings and thoughts, not on others’ expectations or wishes.

b. How are you going to do it?
Will it only be you responsible for the language exposure? Do you have anyone else who could support you? Will you introduce new activities? Will you make more trips to increase the exposure?

c. What does your decision mean for your family’s everyday life?
How will it affect the family life and relationships? How will you tackle the situation if your partner were to feel left out? Will you have to invest in books, DVDs, travelling or tuition? Will you have the energy to go through with it?

d. When to start?
“The earlier the better” is the mantra when it comes to raising a bilingual child, so I recommend that you start as soon as you have answered the above three questions!

Motivation

By answering the “why?” question above, I hope you have found what motivates you to pass on your language to your children. It is extremely important that you do, as your motivation will keep you going if you need to overcome challenges along the way.

We all know that when we want to learn something, the chances are far better than if we are told we have to. So your first task is to make your children want to learn your language. You know your children best, so you are the expert when it comes to motivating them. What spurs your children on? Make the motivating factors something they really want: to have fun, enjoy exciting activities, go on trips, learn something new and interesting. I am not averse to using some rewards to spark the interest of your children, but remember that you cannot bribe your kids to learn your language – they should want to learn it. What I am averse to is using any kind of threat or negative consequence as a motivator. You do not want to associate your language with negative feelings.

Routine

No matter how motivated both you and your children are about (re)introducing your language to your communication, it will not happen unless you make time for it in your lives. To achieve this, create (and maintain!) routines for language exposure. Routines are you best support mechanism on your way to success.

Be realistic when you put a routine in place. Will you have the time? What could stop you from doing the planned activities? What can you do to remove these obstacles? What is your back-up plan if circumstances change?

Choose a specific time, place or/and activity when your language will be used. It might be a certain time of the day (breakfast or dinner time, in the evening or before bedtime) or a day of the week or even the whole weekend. You could choose a place in your home which will be your cue to use your language. Maybe there are activities or hobbies you could do in your language?

According to research it takes 21-30 days to break a habit or to create a new one, so use your determination and patience to stick with your routine for at least a month. If you feel like giving up, think of what motivated you in the first place. Also ask for help from others: those who could help you with the language exposure and other parents, who have experienced the challenges and still succeeded in bringing up bilingual children.

Good luck!

Are you planning or trying to (re)introduce your language to your children? What are your experiences?

So you want to pass on your language to your children, but feel that they are not getting enough exposure to it – a familiar scenario for many minority language parents. You have made a quick calculation and noticed that you are not reaching the recommended thirty percent of exposure during your child’s waking time. Should you give up? Definitely not! While the thirty percent exposure is a good goal to have, it is in no way an end all and be all. Your children can become bilingual with less exposure. To improve the odds, make every exposure minute count.

You are already spending as much time as you can with your children. You have probably also exhausted the pool of relatives and friends who could help you. Increasing the amount of visits “back home” might not be viable due to time pressure or financial reasons. Money may also be an obstacle to getting a child minder or employing an au pair who can speak the language, hiring a language tutor or sending your children to a holiday camp in your language.

1. More effective interaction

When you spend time with your children, speak as much as possible directly to all of them. In a family with more than one child it is especially important to pay attention to the younger siblings. How much do you talk directly with the smaller ones? Is it the chatty eldest child that gets all the direct interaction with you? If both parents speak the minority language at home – how much are you talking with the children? Are they mostly listening to the adults speaking between them?

Immersion is one of the best ways to boost a minority language. During your visits “back home”, make sure that your children get to spend as much time as possible with monolingual speakers. If you can, let your children visit on their own, maybe traveling with other adults.

Create a Skype or Google Hangout schedule with grandparents, relatives and friends, so that the calls really do take place regularly. Not only are these calls good for the language skill, but also help to cherish the all important family bonds and friendships.

Check whether there are playgroups or immersion classes in your language which your children could attend instead of the majority language ones. If you know of other parents looking for exposure in the same language as you, meet up with them and see whether there is potential for you to arrange something together.

2. More reading

If you have read my blog before, you will already have come across this a few times: reading is so important when children are learning a language (and for the rest of their lives, for that matter). Increase the amount of time spent with books and decrease the time your children get one-way exposure in the form or children’s programmes, cartoons, movies and computer games. I am not saying that these are no good for supporting a minority language, but if you want to intensify the minority language exposure, then reading and discussing the story’s characters and plot is so much more effective.

3. More fun

This is another one of my favourite pieces of advice: we learn better when we have fun. Engage your children in whatever you are doing. Play on your children’s interests – even if these interests are not at the top of your own favourite pastimes. Let them choose the books you read, the games you play and the activities you do – as long as everything happens in your language, go along with it.