When discussing the language skills of children in multilingual families, you occasionally come across the situation where a child has learnt to understand a language, but is unable (or unwilling) to speak it. Quite often you will find this described as passive bilingualism – I have used this expression myself, until Professor Grosjean pointed out to me that it is misleading and gives the wrong impression. The correct term is receptive bilingualism.

Understanding a language is anything but a passive process

To be able to understand what someone says to you, your brain has had to do a lot of preparation work and it has to stay highly alert while the discussion is ongoing. It picks up and processes the sound impulses and turns these random sequences of sounds into something we can comprehend and put into context. It does all this in a matter of milliseconds.

How does receptive bilingualism occur?

It is sometimes the case that children in multilingual families learn the family languages and happily speak them when they are small, but then something slowly changes and in their teens the children no longer feel confident in using their minority language. This can happen very gradually, even without the parents really realising it.

Parents have told me that one day they just noticed that the majority language had crept in as the main language between them and the children, and that only the parents spoke the minority language between them. When the parents tried to change the situation, they were met by resistance from the children and gave up. The children did not feel motivated in picking the language up again.

The crucial phase for maintaining a minority language

The crucial phase seems to be when kids start school and spend more time with their peers and get more exposure to the majority language of the community and get used to it as their main language of communication.

This is the time when it is important for parents to stay alert and be persistent (and consistent) and continue speaking the languages they have used with their children since they were small. At this point children need a lot of support from their parents to ensure that they will retain their ability to communicate in the family languages. It might not always be easy, but it will pay off and everyone will be pleased later in life that they made the effort.

Why receptive bilingualism can be something highly positive

The phrase passive bilingualism comes with a baggage of negative connotations. If a child does not get enough interaction in one of the family languages, the language can change from being actively used to being only understood. Hence, I suppose, the use of the word “passive” to describe it. It is however important to emphasise that understanding a language is significantly better than not having any knowledge at all of it!

If this has happened in your family, or to yourself, do keep in mind that a receptive language skill can be turned into a “productive” one. I experienced this myself years ago, when during a visit to India, I convinced myself to make use of the Punjabi skills I had picked up by listening to my daughter speaking it with her father and start speaking, little by little. I did not stay long enough in India to become anywhere near fluent, but I was able to make myself understood. I was able to communicate the basics.

With enough motivation and opportunity to use the language, it can be revived!

May the peace and power be with you

We have answered more than two hundred questions on the topic of raising bilingual children, and the worry that gets mentioned most frequently is whether kids growing up to learn more than one language can get confused by the languages in their family and environment. Again and again we emphasize that this is a myth: bilingual children’s language development may proceed differently than that of monolingual children, but they are not confused!

Will bilingual-to-be children be confused if …

… they learn more than two languages while growing up?

NO.
Children have an amazing ability to pick up several languages while growing up – providing they get enough exposure to them and have the chance and need to interact in them. Millions of children worldwide grow up in truly multilingual environments, learning them as they grow up, and they are no more confused than monolingual children. Bilingual children often mix their languages to start with, but this is just a part of the learning process and does not mean they are confused about their languages.

… they start nursery in a language they do not know?

NO.
When immersed in a language, children learn a language quickly. They will of course go through a phase where they are only listening and taking it all in, but sooner than parents think, they learn to understand and also to speak.

… they learn to read and write in two languages simultaneously?

NO.
Just like learning to speak two different languages at the same time, children can learn to read and write two languages (and scripts). The important thing is to take the cue from the child and start teaching when they show interest for it. Reading books in all the languages a child is learning is a good foundation for learning to read and write.

… the parents speak different languages to them?

NO.
Children very quickly learn to distinguish between different languages, according to some research already in the womb. Kids understand that there is a mummy’s language and a daddy’s language (or grandma’s or nanny’s etc). Children do not question the fact that people in their environment speak different languages, and it certainly does not confuse them.

… the parents speak a different language between them?

NO.
In many families, parents do not speak each other’s mother tongues and use a third language as their common language, while speaking their respective native languages with the children. This also does not confuse a child – however, the kids do quickly learn to understand a fair deal of it, so don’t think you can keep a secret language forever!

… one parent speaks two different language with them?

NO.
A parent can pass on two languages to a child. It is not an easy task and it requires commitment and discipline, but it can be done. Read how our coach Maria does it in her family.

… a parent mixes the languages spoken to the child?

NO.
Most bilingual people mix their languages when they speak with other people who know the same languages. This is natural bilingual behaviour and is called code-switching. It has its own rules and adds many fascinating nuances to the communication. Children will of course grow up to do this, but since they will also hear the language when it is not mixed, they learn to keep the languages separate and not to mix them when there are monolinguals around.

… a parent switches the language spoken with them?

NO.
There are different scenarios in which a parent might want to switch the language they speak with a child. From my own experience, it is not a straight-forward thing to do, but by working with the child and carefully adapting the process it can be done. A child’s natural instinct is to generally resist change, but making a gradual transition from one language to another does not confuse your child.

… a mother/father does not speak her/his mother tongue with them?

NO.
A parent should speak the language they feel is right – in most cases this is their mother tongue, but not always. Don’t let anyone tell you that the mother tongue is the only right way to go if you have chosen otherwise. Your child will not be confused by your language choice.

… a mother/father speaks a language she/he is not fluent in?

NO.
A baby will accept whichever language a parent speaks to it. A close and loving relationship is what is vital for a child and a child will not be confused if a parent speaks a non-native language. If there is no other, native exposure to the language, the child will pick up the accent and the vocabulary it learns from the parent, but the child will not be confused.

To summarise the answer to whether you will confuse your child with your family’s language choices, I would like to finish with a quote from my younger daughter’s favourite song from when she was nine months old:

NO – NO – NO – NO – NO – NO – NO – NO – NO – NO!

May the peace and power be with you

This is the third post in my four-part A-B-C for parents in families with more than one language.

M is for Myths

There are so many myths about bilingual children and how to raise them that I don’t know where to start. In my opinion, the most damaging ones are:
1. that you confuse your children by having them learn two languages when they grow up – not true, millions of children have not only stayed completely normal, but thrived on becoming bilingual.
2. that bilingualism causes language delay – also not true, there might be a slight delay at the start of the journey when children are learning two vocabularies, but research has shown that bilingual children quickly not only catch up, but overtake monolingual children in linguistic ability.
In my book I will be listing dozens of other myths surrounding multilingual families.

N is for Native language

Preferably speak your native language with your child – this way your bond will be supported by the language which is closest to your heart. If both parents speak a minority language as their native tongue, then they can use the ‘Minority language at home’ strategy for bringing up bilingual children. The children will learn the majority language in due course and also have a solid base in the minority language. Having a good command of one language supports the learning of another.

O is for Open-mindedness

Learning early in life that one thing or phenomenon can have more than one name gives you a different perspective to the world. Bilinguals learn that something is not equal to what it is called; it can have several descriptions depending on who speaks. Researchers have found that bilingual children are more flexible and open-minded than monolingual children when it comes to new concepts.

P is for Positive feedback

Praise, praise and praise again. Children thrive on positive feedback – the better they feel about using your language, the more they want to learn and speak it. I know there are parenting aficionados that say we shouldn’t praise but only encourage our children, but I am not in that camp. When your children do something well, tell them – be it to do with your language or anything else. With this I don’t however mean that you should only ever say well done! – there will be times when you need to correct your children’s language.

Q is for Questions

Children ask a lot of questions – and I know it can sometimes be exhausting to answer your child’s Why? followed by another Why? and so on, but do take the time to respond. It is an excellent opportunity to bring in new vocabulary or start a wider conversation. If you do not have time to answer at that very moment, promise to speak about it later (and keep your promise!) By answering their questions when they are young, your children will feel comfortable turning to you with their worries at an age when you do really want them to do it.

R is for Reading

I can’t emphasise enough how important it is that you read to your children. Reading stories that you have created together is great fun. When you read the bedtime stories, not only do your children learn new words, but you create memorable moments. You also teach your children to love books from an early age – something that will benefit them greatly when they go to school.

S is for Strategy

There are three main approaches you can use to raise a bilingual child and it is recommended that you plan and decide on which one to go for:
One parent, one language – parents consistently speak different languages to the child. This can of course also be One person, one language, if some other person (for example a child minder or a grandparent) spends enough time with the child.
Minority language at home – both parents speak the minority language at home and the children learn the majority language from other sources, for example child minders, friends or at school.
Time and place – parents allocate a specific time when or place where to speak a certain language. It can also be a certain activity that the family regularly does together.
In my book I will be going into more detail about the different strategies.

The last part of the A-B-C, T-Z, will be posted in two days’ time. To read the previous parts go to A-F and G-L.

May the peace and power be with you.

Having fun while you are learning must be one of the best ways to keep the motivation going. The same applies for when you are helping your son on his way to become bilingual. You can easily introduce new words when you are playing with your little boy. Today I want to remind you of some of the ways to do so.

Creating stories

Children have a vivid imagination, so it is easy come up with your own stories together with your son. You can start the story with the classic “Once upon a time there was a …” and he will pick it up. If you want to bring in some specific vocabulary, steer the story in that direction when it is your turn to add to it.

‘I spy’ with a magazine

We know how useful the ‘I spy’ game can be during long journeys, but you can as well do it anywhere with the help of a magazine. Open a page with some pictures and start guessing. Ideal for distraction in any waiting room!

Hand puppets

I have always been very fond of hand puppets. They are so versatile and can be used for any type of discussion or story. They can even be used to practice a language that you do not normally speak with your son, as the puppet takes on a personality of its own.

Words that rhyme

Take it in turns to come up with words that rhyme. I suggest that you choose the starting word so it doesn’t get too difficult (what rhymes with ‘banana’?). Tip: English words ending in -ing are great for small children as there is an infinite amount of variations. Try to find some similar endings in your language!

Word map

This is an association game that you can play with your son when he has learnt to write. Start by writing a word in the middle of a paper, then branch out with words that you associate with it. Once you are finished you can put together a story with the words.

Hope you have fun!

May the peace and power be with you.