Throughout history bilingual people have been (and still are) asked some fairly silly questions. What if the shoe was on the other foot – what questions could we as bilinguals ask?

1 – What have you done to cure your monolingualism?

Bilingual people have been classed as strange and some people have wanted to shield children from the perils of speaking more than one language. What if monolingualism were instead to be classified as a deficiency that should be remedied?

2 – How does it feel to know only one word for something?

Bilinguals have been described as having a split identity because they have several words for the same things and phenomena. What if monolinguals were to be labelled as having “restricted” personalities?

3 – Why are you depriving your child of the advantaged of bilingualism?

Many parents of bilingual children have had to answer questions about why they are confusing their child or why they are making their child’s life so much more difficult with the many languages in the family. In today’s world there are several ways parents can help their children to learn another language – why wouldn’t they do it?

4 – How does it feel being a part of the monolingual minority of the world?

Depending on how strictly you define the term ‘language’ the estimates of how many people are bilingual vary between 55% and 65% – in any case, monolinguals are in the minority. However, in many places bilinguals are still not being considered when governments set their policies.

5 – When will you start speaking more than one language in the family?

Many bilingual families have been incorrectly advised to change their use of languages and stick to only one language – what if families were to be told to introduce another language instead?

6 – Why did you choose a monolingual school for your children?

What if immersion and bilingual schools were to become the norm and you would have pay extra to send your child to a monolingual school?

7 – Do you know how much less you will earn in your lifetime as you can only speak one language?

The estimates of the increase in earnings for bilinguals vary between 2% and 10% – in any case, a significant amount in anyone’s books. In addition, I think bilinguals should also get a tax break of at least 5% per additional spoken language. Are you with me?

8 – Most people are bilingual – how come you speak only one language?

Monolingualism has been the norm for so long, what if we were to start presuming that everyone should be bilingual?

9 – What do you do to exercise the executive control area of your brain?

By switching between two languages, bilinguals automatically do brain training which strengthens the executive control centre of the brain. This and other bilingualism benefits help bilinguals function longer if dementia hits us – so we are less of a burden to the health care system. We really should be awarded tax benefits!

10 – Children can learn two or more languages at a very young age – you are an adult, how come you haven’t?

Instead of just being amazed at the language skills of bilingual children – why not turn the spotlight on monolingual adults?

11 – Doesn’t it get boring to always speak the same language?

That’s a thought now isn’t it? If you do speak more than one language, can you imagine speaking only one? Variety is the spice of life – why only speak one language when you can learn two, three or more?

12 – Was it a hard decision to stay monolingual?

What if all communities and schools were geared to ensure that everyone becomes bilingual and that staying monolingual would have to be a conscious decision which you would have to defend from time to time?

These questions are tongue-in-cheek and (mostly) unfair, and I am certainly not saying we should actually ask them. But because they sound so out-there, what do they tell us about the situation today? How far are we from bilingualism being accepted all over the world and being taken into consideration when education and cultural policy decisions are made? What do you think?

May the peace and power be with you.

Due to the nature of my work, I spend a lot of time on-line: researching, reading blogs and comments, finding articles to feature and looking for experts and parents to share their stories. Inevitably, I spend quite a lot of my on-line time on social media, mainly on Instagram, and in different forums, where parents speak about their experiences passing on more than one language to their children. Today I want to highlight something that I find rather concerning among the bilingual-child-raising community – it is the tendency to:
a) beat yourself up and feeling guilty about not doing a good job; and/or
b) being intolerant and sometimes condescending or even condemning towards other parents who have a different view about how to bring up a bilingual child.

My dear friends, please, cut yourself and other parents some slack!

Go easy on yourself

– if you have a chosen family language strategy

Let’s say that you have decided to follow the OPOL approach and then you notice that you are unable to stay consistent in your language use. First of all, the odd majority language word or phrase won’t do your child’s language learning any harm. If you are the only one speaking a language to your child and feel guilty that you are “failing your responsibility to pass on a heritage language” when you are not consistent, please stop. You are doing as well as you can in the circumstances and with the means that you have available to you.
If you think that a bit of support could be useful, find a book or blog to read or turn to other (positively-minded) parents of bilingual children for ideas and encouragement. If you look for help from strangers in a forum or a group, put on a pair of glasses equipped with filters for unhelpful and criticizing comments and be selective about the advice you take to heart.

– if you are NOT following a strategy

You have not gone for a specific family language strategy and read about how important it is to have a plan. Then you start to worry that it is too late. First of all, it is never too late to put some structure into how you use the languages in your family – if this is what you want, that is. My mission is to help as many parents as possible to bring up bilingual children, so if someone comes to me for advice, I prefer to put together a plan which makes it easier for the parents to reach their goal. However, millions of children (including me) have grown up to become bilingual without a parental plan.

Respect the choices of other parents

– who do it differently

Just because OPOL is the right approach in your family and you might already have adult bilingual children, does not mean this approach is the only right one for everyone. Parents who do not choose mL@H although they could, will have their very specific reasons for doing so. Every family is different.

– who are more/less strict/consistent than you with regards to the language they speak with their children

It is true that if you are a minority language parent, your child will need as much exposure to your language as possible, but please do not judge a parent who is struggling or criticize those who have made it a habit to always speak their language and stick to their principles.

– who want to pass on a non-native language

You do not have to be a native speaker to teach a child a language. It might not be what you would choose to do, but it can be done. It is not an easy task and requires a lot of commitment, so instead of being judgemental, let it go.

– who choose to not pass on a family language

For many of us the main reason for making sure that the family languages are passed on to our children is that we want our kids to be able to communicate with the extended family. However, other families have different priorities and there might even be a strong reason why some parents would prefer to distance themselves from their past. We can never know what other people have experienced unless we know them well.

– who let their children grow up without paying much attention to the language exposure

Many children grow up to speak two, three or even more languages without their parents focusing on who speaks what language when and for how long. It all depends on the family circumstances and attitudes, community languages and many other factors. In families across the world, speaking several languages is just a part of everyday life. The language spoken at any point is picked depending on topic, who is present or whichever other circumstance. After all, it is just communication. Please don’t tell these families to change their life style!

If you think your own experience could be helpful to others

There is one simple, golden rule: if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all! When offering advice, keep in mind that you do not know the whole story. Instead of saying “This is what you should do …” say “This is what worked in our family…” Wish the parent well and end with something encouraging. In many cases, what we really need when we reach out for support, is for someone to say, “You are okay, you are doing well, keep it up!”

This is the time of the year when our social media feeds get filled with pictures of families holidaying – either on a relaxing staycation in their own home or out and about in the country or abroad. Whatever way you decide to spend your family holidays, it is always a great opportunity for bilingual children to consolidate their language skills, learn something new and, of course, have fun and enjoy their free time!

Time to do nothing and anything

I am a strong believer in not planning every single day of a holiday (and limiting the use of electronic devices). I think it is good for kids to be bored sometimes and have to come up with their own solutions for keeping themselves occupied. If your child is of a reading age, leave some new books, comics and magazines in strategic places at home – even better if they are in the minority language!

Time to broaden the horizons

Last week I wrote about how multilingual families are a force for good in today’s world – being generally more open-minded and culturally aware. Holidays are an excellent time to broaden your own and your children’s horizons even further – and you do not even have to leave your home to do it.

If you opt to stay at home, learn about a new culture and language using the internet – go to the library and find books about it and explore its cuisine by cooking some new dishes. Also, take a look at the resources available on Multicultural Kid Blogs for further ideas!

If you plan to travel, take the opportunity to explore at least some places where you haven’t been before, learn to know new people and look for different experiences. If this can be done in a lesser spoken family language, your children will learn new vocabulary as well!

Time to enjoy the family languages

Now is the time to arrange those Skype calls that never came to fruition when you were all busy with work and school. Get into a routine of chatting with family and friends, invite them over if you can.

The best language boost for kids is to be surrounded by people, especially other children, who speak the language. Travelling to a place where the language is spoken is the most effective immersion, but if that is not possible, invite fellow language-speakers to your home and have fun together.

Time to deepen the language skills

Relaxed off-time is good, and when you feel there is a need for some more structured activities, use the holidays to deepen your bilingual children’s language skills. Use the above ideas to introduce new vocabulary and situations to your kids. Alternatively, arrange some themed days at home where you focus on a certain topic – let your kids choose what they want to learn more about and you will have a greater chance of success!

Holidays are also the perfect time to plan ahead. Is there a change in sight for your children? For example, will your little one go to a different school after the holidays? Will there be some new subject on the school timetable? Think about anything that might be different after the holidays and then make sure to discuss this with your kids, introducing any new words and phrases they might need to know in their minority language to be able to speak about them.

Time to appreciate our languages

We bilinguals often take our language skills for granted and do not always appreciate what a gift they are. This is true especially when we have “just grown up” with the languages and do not feel that we have had to put in any extra effort to learn them. Think of all the monolinguals of this world who would be over the moon to be able to speak another language – you (and your children) already can do it, so take some time to appreciate and celebrate your family’s languages!

If you are a bilingual like me, you know we all do it – mix our languages when we speak to other bilinguals. When we cannot think of a word in one language or if there is a better expression for what we want to say in a different language, we simply pick and choose between the languages. Sloppy, lazy talk? Not at all! – It is called code-switching, a phenomenon which has been researched quite a lot in recent years.

Jacqueline Toribio, Professor of Linguistics at the University of Texas at Austin, defines code-switching as follows:

“the alternating use of two languages in the same stretch of discourse by a bilingual speaker”

What I once considered “jumble talk” is not random at all! Code-switching has its own set of intricate rules and actually adds much more to communication than just a word or phrase from a different language. As an adult bilingual, you do not code-switch with someone who does not understand the other language. You normally also keep the grammatical structure of the core language. (Note that code-switching should not be confused with variants of languages which consistently use certain words or phrases from another language, such as the Swedish spoken in the Helsinki area in Finland, with Finnish words and phrases thrown in.)

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to listen to one of the leading authorities on code-switching: Penelope Gardner-Chloros, Professor of Sociolinguistics and Language at the Birkbeck University, London. She gave a lecture on the future of the research into code-switching and shared some of the interesting findings of recent studies.

Early research focused on code-switching as being just a variant of monolingual communication, whereas newer studies have shown that code-switching as a process often carries a meaning in its own right. By code-switching the speaker can emphasize his or her identity as belonging to a certain group, or it can be used to show support for multiculturalism. It can however also be used as a tool for expressing power, by excluding those who are not familiar with the other language.

Do small children also code-switch?

What about your little bilingual randomly throwing in words from all the languages he or she knows – is this code-switching as well? No, not yet. Small bilingual children frequently mix the languages they are learning. This is completely normal. Everyone sometimes struggles to find the right word, even those who speak only one language. Bilingual children have the advantage of another set of words to pick from – why would they not not use it?

Although children’s language mixing might be a bit confusing, it is not something to worry about, and certainly not a reason for giving up on raising a child to be bilingual. Sooner than you can imagine, your little linguist will learn to distinguish his or her languages, and switching to the right language with people will become second nature.

Until children acquire the awareness about what belongs to which language and who understands what, they might occasionally use the wrong language with a person. The way to react to it is not to make a big deal of it, but help the child find the right expression. You can ask “How would mummy/daddy say that?” – not prompting for the specific word, but asking for the meaning. The answer might be a longwinded explanation, but you will get one.

It is good to advise grandparents and other people who spend time on their own with your child that language mixing may happen and how to deal with it. Especially for grandparents it is important to point out that this is a phase which will pass, and that they should not be upset if their grandchild does not know a certain word in their language.

To sum it up, if you are bilingual and love to throw in a word from one of your other languages when you speak, you are a sophisticated code-switcher. If your budding bilingual is creative and mixes the languages, it is just a part of the learning curve!