Question

I am an Arabic speaking mom of a 2 year old. I left my country a year ago (when my son was 1) and moved to Turkey. Because I had to work I had to send my son to a daycare (all the staff was Turkish-speaking) and he spent about nine hours there. My son hasn’t REALLY started to speak in neither language. He is very clever and understands Arabic very well. I asked his teacher at the daycare about his Turkish language comprehension and she said he understands simple commands and reacts accordingly and likes listening to stories and songs. He utters simple words like Mama and ba for bus, bye and bab (door in Arabic). He can also tell what each animal sounds when asked in Arabic and points to animals. He has made up a very funny language himself that no one can understand but with long “sentence-like utterances”. The thing is that I need to move back to my home country while my extended family is staying in Turkey. I really wish him to benefit from learning two languages.

My first question is do you think that his language development is normal since kids of his age start uttering sentences of two and even three words? My second question, would it be a good idea if I try to help him maintain Turkish – I am sure that the language structure is there in his mind since he is in the age of acquiring languages?

Thanks a lot,
Lana

Answer

Dear Lana,

thank you for writing. Your question immediately caught my attention because I also have a toddler son who is learning multiple languages and has invented his own language! Like you, I think my son is very clever!

But to answer your first question, I would like to reassure you that bilingualism does not cause language delay. While your son may have a smaller vocabulary than his peers in a single language, his combined vocabulary in both languages will be about the same for a child his age. It’s important to note that recent research shows that young children practice speaking long before they actually speak! So even though he may not yet be saying the words, doesn’t mean they are not there! You can visit www.talkingpoint.org.uk and check your toddler’s language progress according to his home language to see if he is about where he should be for his age. If after checking his language progress, you are concerned that his language may be delayed, the true cause could be a hearing or language disorder and it would be wise to have him seen by a speech language pathologist who is supportive of bilingualism. However, from what you write, I sense that you are intuitively pleased with his language progress and that it is not a true source of concern at this point.

To answer your second question I agree it would be a shame for him to not continue acquiring his second heritage language, especially because he has already spent a year being immersed in Turkish for significant amounts of time. However, you do not mention how you plan to carry out this plan. I am assuming that because you were working full-time in Turkey that you are also fluent. Do you plan on speaking to your son in Turkish? If so, how will you divide your time between Arabic and Turkish? (It’s important to make a clear distinction between the languages so as to avoid confusion.) Or will you rely on someone else to speak Turkish to him while you continue to speak to him in Arabic? Whatever the case may be, it is a worthy and feasible goal as long as you have a clear plan and are consistent with it. And if I could offer one last piece of advice, it would be wise for you to continue Arabic with him as his home language as it will give him a strong sense of identity, an emotional tie with you and the stronger his home language is, the greater his ability to learn another language.

Please feel free to leave a comment below if you would like to further discuss your Arabic-Turkish bilingual plan for your son. I wish you all the best.

Question

Hi,

thanks for sharing important information on your website and being a reference for the parents who are lost in the sea of advice…

We have a very specific question regarding our first daughter, who has some speech delay and is exposed to three languages. We need to take an important decision regarding our multilingualism and school and we are confused because of different therapists’ advice.

My husband and I are Italians. Our first daughter was born in France, where we spent her first year of life before moving to the U.S. She was at that time mainly exposed to Italian (she wasn’t enrolled in a daycare) and a little French (playgroups, environment). When we moved to the U.S. she attended a daycare and then a pre-school, and learnt English. By her first year we noticed that she had some difficulties with language and the paediatrician suggested to consult a speech and language therapist.

After bouncing from one structure to another (in the meantime her English improved a lot and became her primary language), she had been diagnosed with some speech delay as well as Sensory Processing Disorder form a developmental paediatrician who prescribed speech therapy, psychological therapy and occupational therapy. She received the first two for a year, but not speech therapy as the waiting list was huge and she finally got a spot when it was time to move again. She had a couple of sessions and another evaluation before leaving and again she was found to have delay and in need to do therapy.

When we moved back to France (after living in the U.S. for four years), we enrolled her in a bilingual school to help smoothing the transition to French. We spoke Italian and English at home. During the last year both our first daughter and her younger sister, who was born in the US, started switching from English to Italian and learning French as well.

We are now facing the dilemma of what language we should speak to them (especially our firstborn) and if we should or should not eliminate one language as suggested by the speech and language therapist that recently evaluated her.

We are also very confused regarding the school choice, since some professionals have recommended a 100% French environment, others 100% English or bilingual one. Since she is now entering the primary school this is a very important decision. We know we’re going to stay in France for 5 years but don’t know if we’re going to stay here after that or move somewhere else, and if we need to stick with a bilingual school just in case we move again to an English-speaking country or rather focus on French and then either move to a French-speaking country or have her/them go to a French school for the rest of their lives.

So our questions are: Is it better to get rid of one language in order to help her in the other two because two languages are the maximum a child with language delays or disorder can process? If so, how can we decide which one we should eliminate? If we use the logic that would mean English since it’s hard to get rid of your mother tongue or the environment language…

But would that be the best choice if English was until a few months ago her “primary” language and it may be easier for her to learn to read and write in English since Italian is not an option in school? Should we therefore choose a fully French school or a bilingual school?

Our last question is: what about our second daughter who was born in the US and who wants to keep speaking English, is it possible to speak English to one kid and another language to the other?

Thank you so much in advance for you time and help.

Answer

Hi,

Thank you for writing to the Multilingual Parenting Family Language Coaching team!

I wanted to start off by congratulating you on your commitment to multilingualism. It is evident from your question that you and your family really value languages as a gift to your children. You present some excellent questions that we can address one by one.

You are first wondering if you should eliminate a language to help your daughter manage her speech and language delays, so let’s talk a bit about this topic as a whole.

When a child is learning two or more languages simultaneously parents, teachers and even paediatricians sometimes worry that this may lead to language delays in children. Yet the good news is that is just not the case! Researchers have observed children across the spectrum and have found that being multilingual does not cause additional delays or difficulties.

Children that are bilingual and do in fact demonstrate a speech or language problem, will show these same problems. Time and time again, the consensus has been that these speech problems are not caused by learning more than one language so introducing your daughter to two or more languages is not going to impact the delays she is currently exhibiting.

It sounds like, unfortunately, this is the advice that you may have gotten from the individuals that are currently working with your daughter. Misconceptions about multilingualism still exist even within the speech language pathologist community. Often times, the advice parents receive is that if a child is facing some difficulty in their speech and language development, dropping to one language is the best course of action. Yet, as I pointed out earlier, research has proven that exposure to more than one language does not cause speech or language delays.

Ideally, families like yourself in need of speech and language therapy should work with a multilingual clinician who can support the languages the child is exposed to throughout the day. If this is not an option, see if you can continue to work with a therapist who is respectful of your family’s language approach and has experience working with multilingual individuals. It is essential that the selected clinician is willing to at the very least problem-solve and try different strategies until one is identified that best suits the needs of your child.

To continue to support your multilingual goals, I would encourage you to play an active role throughout the therapy process. If the clinician you ended up working with is monolingual, he or she can work in French during the sessions and you can practice the same concepts and strategies at home in the target languages you settle on. I encourage you to keep an open line of communication with the therapist and ensure that you are in agreement with the approach and methodology used during sessions.

Now as far as whether or not you should eliminate a language I would not recommend that you do so if the only reason is concerns about impacting language delays. If you think that you can continue to manage the current languages as a family, then feel free to proceed. The last thing I want is for you to receive misguided information, from albeit well-meaning individuals, that will the cause you to make a decision you may later regret.

Regarding your school choices, I am always in favor of quality language schools as I feel that they can support the family goals in an academic environment. They also tend to understand the challenges and benefits of raising a bilingual child so the staff at a multilingual school is likely going to be more understanding of what you are dealing with at home.

I do, however, want to point out that not all language schools are created equal. There are some great language schools and there are some not so great language schools.

And last but certainly not least, let’s talk about your second daughter and your language choice when speaking to her. Through my time working with multilingual families, I have seen many different variations for language policies. I have in fact come across families that speak one language to one child and a completely different one to another child for a variety of reasons. It works really well in some families and not as well in others. It really depends on the dynamics of each family.

There is really only way to find out how it plays out in your family and that is to give it a try. Test it out for a bit, and if you do in fact decide to limit the number of languages you speak to your oldest daughter and if it feels like it flows, then keep it going. I am going to be perfectly honest, it is going to be more difficult than if you just spoke the same language to both children but it does not mean it cannot be done!

If you do decide to try it, make sure to check in and let us know how it went!

Question

Hello!

I just found your site, so first of all congratulations, it is incredibly useful!

I was trying to find out what method to use with our future kids, I’m Hungarian native, my husband is Italian and we live in Italy. I speak Italian like a native and I also speak English and Spanish fluently, I work with languages.

The problem is that I find it hard to speak my mother tongue in family. My husband speaks some Hungarian but I’m just not able to speak to him in Hungarian, we have always used Italian between us. Now that we are trying to have a baby I was thinking, what if I won’t speak Hungarian to him or her right after birth? I could introduce the language later with songs, fairy tales and games. I used to teach Italian to three and four-year-old foreign kids like this and by the end of the school year they were fluent.

My husband agrees with me, but I was wondering if this could work or should I force myself to speak to our child in Hungarian. Also, I’d be happy if our kids could benefit from the fact that we speak so many languages in family and that we are international. My sister-in-law is Spanish and they already have a son. So our Italian-Hungarian child is going to have an Italian-Spanish cousin.

We would be grateful for some advice. Thank you very much in advance!

Answer

Hello Anna,

Thank you for submitting your question to the Multilingual Parenting Family Coaching Team.

That’s wonderful that you speak so many language and what a great advantage when it comes to raising multilingual children.

What you are describing in your question is not uncommon. Many people, typically adults, feel very strange changing the language they speak to a given person after they have grown accustomed to speaking another language.

You do not necessarily have to change the language you use to communicate to your husband once your little ones are born. You can still continue to speak to them in Italian! Many families speak different languages to different family members. It sounds so strange when you are first starting out but I promise you, it can certainly be done. In my home, I speak Spanish to my children and English to my husband.

To answer your question, introducing your children to Hungarian at a later age could work. Your children could become fluent if you introduce it later on in life as long as you provide them with the right amount of exposure and they feel the need to communicate in Hungarian. You can certainly start at age three and four since as you mentioned in your question you have experience with that age group.

Yet I would suggest that you do in fact commit to speaking Hungarian to your babies from birth!

You will likely find that it is much easier to start right from the beginning if you can make that happen.

The beauty of starting from birth is that you can start the transition as a family slowly and work your way to more involved linguistic exchanges as your children grow. Life with a new baby will bring many changes and language can be one of them!

Research has shown that the earliest form of language learning begins in utero when the fetus can start to recognize the sound of his mother’s voice. A mother’s voice can have a calming effect on the fetus as early as seven months into a pregnancy and a baby’s heart rate slows down with just the sound of mama’s voice. As a fellow mom, that just makes my heart melt!

After birth, infants technically start their language journey around four months of age as they begin to engage in babbling. Those that are exposed to more than one language from birth can start distinguishing speech from an astonishing young age.

In fact, research has shown that after only six months, they can tell the difference between languages. For languages that tend to have similar intonation, tone, stress and rhythm it may take a little longer. Yet even then, most children can start detecting the difference just a few months later.

I share this with you to encourage you to give it a shot from the early stages. Many parents feel that baby talk comes easier in one language versus the other. Even those that are native speakers of a language but have been around a community language for years, feel a little strange in the early days. However, most of the ones that commit to sticking to their mother tongue for the first few months eventually make the full transition and few, if any, end up regretting it.

You can always try it for a bit and if it does not feel natural within your family dynamics, make the switch back to Italian.

Best of luck, Anna. with the arrival of your future children! It sounds like despite which path you choose, languages are going to be a big part of their life! May you all enjoy the ride together.

Question

Dear coaches,

Thank you for the great website and taking time to help parents. Reading your answers to others’ questions gave me some general ideas about my concerns but still I have some topics in mind to ask you. So first I give a summary of our situation.

I am Iranian, and Persian is my mother tongue. My husband is Turkish. and Turkish is his mother language. We live in Turkey and know each other’s languages + English. My husband is more fluent in my language than I am in his. We communicate in Persian mostly and sometimes mix it with English.

Our 1-year-old daughter has a very good grasp of Persian since I have been staying home with her and always spoke Persian, in addition to English nursery rhymes and watching baby shows on TV in English. My husband speaks Turkish with her in the evenings. She understands most of my talks to her, good Turkish and the action parts of some English songs I sing for her.

After reading some articles online about the importance of the first two years in language learning I put away my doubts and started to speak English with her a couple of months ago. Her initial reaction was fear which is normal. She is usually afraid of new things. She is less afraid now, but I did feel strange too. At first, she obviously didn’t understand my talks even if I repeat what I said, and it made me feel like there was a little distance between us.

My daughter has made great progress in understanding English along with Persian. I have chosen her room as the place to talk in English to her and outside the room we speak my mother tongue. I find it easier on me too. I need improvement in talking the language, so it makes topics more predictable. We spend one third of the day in the English room. She doesn’t talk yet, but she follows the instructions and remembers the words that I only repeat a few times.

The other important piece of info is that I am going to start working soon. Luckily for us I teach English to pre-schoolers, ages 3–6, four hours a day as a part time job. I have to speak some Turkish till they get used to the new language which takes almost three months. Apart from that it’s all playing, singing, dancing in English. My daughter will be coming to the nursery with me and I am planning to take her to lessons with me as long as she is not bored. Otherwise she will be staying with other people who only speak Turkish.

About English I would like to add that it is definitely the prestige language here and I guess it will be very useful since when she is big enough, she will most probably refuse to speak Persian around others. It draws a lot of curiosity and people will keep asking questions the same way they do to me now. Unfortunately, we live in a region which does not get many foreigners. We can speak in English in front of others as it has a good connotation and my daughter will feel it soon too.

So, my questions are these:

1. How should I approach the two languages? Should I divide my time between them? She doesn’t have any other source of Persian by the way, apart from me, my husband (when we talk to each other) and books and we visit grandparents just once or twice a year.
2. Will she pick up my mistakes in English too? I am good in speaking but not perfect.
3. I speak English as long as she is not reacting and as soon as she gets afraid switch to Persian. . I have chosen her room as the place to talk in English to her and outside the room we speak my mother tongue. I am not concerned about mixing languages however. Should I be?
4. Should my husband, who tries to speak Turkish, switch to English in the room or keep speaking in Turkish?
5. I would like to know your opinion about the amount of watching tv in the targeted language? Is there any strict rule? My daughter watches something around three hours a day which is baby TV in English and nursery rhymes on YouTube in intervals. It doesn’t seem to do any harm to her. I am with her most of the time.
6. Also, in what language is it better to talk about what we’re watching on TV? The TV is in the living room and I am usually confused which language to talk about programs.

The last thing to mention is that due to my job I have prepared a lot of toys and crafts and a lot of songs for almost every word or sentence in beginner’s level in English. I also made Persian fabric alphabets and am going to continue this kind of preparations as soon as she lets me. I would be very grateful to hear your advice on this.

Thank you very much in advance for your time and attention”

Answer

Thank you for sharing your family language story and your questions. From the information you have provided I can tell that you have been doing a beautiful job speaking Persian, your native language, to your daughter. At the same time, you have exposed your little girl to age-appropriate English materials. Other than that, your husband speaks Turkish to your young child in the evenings! You have set up a home environment with three languages and there is a routine. Congratulations!

Before I touch on your questions, let’s take a look at your current language environment.

Family language background:

Mother’s native language is Persian. Mother also speaks Turkish and English.

Father’s native language is Turkish. Father also speaks Persian and English.

Language environment outside of home:

Community language is Turkish.

Child age: 1 year

Current language environment for your child:

Your daughter has been receiving consistent language input in Persian from you. You are the sole resource of Persian.

Your child has been exposed to English language nursery rhymes and television shows for babies. You have started speaking English to your daughter recently.

Your husband speaks Turkish to your daughter in the evenings. Turkish is the community language. Your daughter hears Turkish when she is out in the community.

Target languages: Persian and English.

From the analysis you can see that Persian has the highest exposure to your daughter with your consistent input at this time. Turkish has the 2nd highest exposure. And, English comes in third since you are just starting out. I want to point out that the exposure to Turkish will increase over time with your daughter’s age, her interaction with peers outside of home and schooling.

Your focus on Persian and English at this stage will cultivate a strong foundation for your daughter. You are also setting up a family language environment that embraces Persian and English.

Answer to question 1

Family Language Strategy

You talked about how to approach and handle two languages, Persian and English in your message. Here is my recommendation:

Persian

You are the main language source of Persian for your daughter. Before adding the English, it was an OPOL, One Parent One Language approach. You spend the majority of time speaking, reading, singing, and playing in Persian with your daughter. You can add the Persian fabric alphabets you made to the daily language routine. Let your daughter touch the alphabet when you say each letter. Play peekaboo with the fabric alphabet. Make it a game. Playing is learning!

In addition, you can expand your daughter’s Persian language exposure by connecting with grandparents and relatives. This is when technology can come in and help. You can schedule weekly video calls with grandparents, relatives, and cousins. The calls will be in Persian and it will connect the Persian language and the culture. Let the relatives show your young daughter the food they are eating, the toys they are playing, the books they are reading, and so on.

Another tip is that grandparents and relatives can read books in Persian and record it in audio format or video format for your daughter. Reading is always on top of my list when it comes to language acquisition. Children love stories and they love listening to them.

When you have support from the family it makes a big difference on the multilingual parenting journey.

English

I was delighted to read that you also have started speaking English to your daughter at certain time of the day. Adding English to your family language routine is like creating a space or time block for English. With her room as the English room, you are applying the Time and Place approach to this newly added language.

Since English is a new language for your little one it is very important to have a good transition, so your daughter feels cosy, comfortable and joyful when you speak English to her. Use visual tools like word wall, flashcards, posters, books, and toys to help her understand what you are telling her in English. As you have noticed, when you see that she can understand you will feel more comfortable and relaxed as well. The feeling is mutual.

When you say, “It’s a brown bear.” you point to the picture of a brown bear. When you say, “It’s a yellow duck.” you show her a picture or give her a yellow duck toy. You want to make sure that you are providing her the language input that she can comprehend.

Play English nursery rhymes, children’s songs, or lullabies in the background during English play time. Music is relaxing, and it helps with the flow. Read books in English every day. Read-aloud is wonderful for literacy building for young learners.

Your English-teaching job provides your daughter an English community with bigger kids who are learning English. It is a bonus! You are adding more English exposure to your little one’s daily routine!

I am impressed with your preparation for your students in your program. You mentioned that you have collected toys, crafts, and songs for introducing an abundance of English words and sentences at the beginner level to your students. All the props, crafts, and songs are for helping students understand what you are teaching them, no matter, it is a word, or it is a sentence.

That is exactly what you can do at home with your daughter. You can pick and choose the items in your collection that are suitable for her age group.

Answer to question 2

Non-Native Speaker

You wonder if your daughter will pick up your mistakes in English. I believe you know that there are many great non-native English teachers who are teaching English. There are also monolingual parents who are teaching their children a second language. The key is to be confident on this multilingual journey and to know when and where to find professional assistance as the kids grow.

I helped my kids learn Spanish as a non-native Spanish speaker. I used books, audio and video resources at beginning. Later, a friend and I organized a small Spanish playgroup and we hired a native-speaking Spanish tutor for our kids. Both my friend and I are non-native Spanish speakers, but we enjoyed helping our children learn Spanish.

You are in good hands with all the English teaching resources (online and offline) that are available to you and your daughter. Read, read, and read more! Read English broad books and picture books to your daughter every day. Your daughter will learn from the stories and learn from you.

Being a non-native speaker does not need to be a concern. Being a non-native speaker can make you more creative and productive on this journey. Surprised?

Answer to question 3

Mixing Languages

You asked if you should be concerned about mixing two languages. From the information you have provided I can see that you are consistent with Persian. As you are introducing English to your daughter you care about how she feels about the new language. You would switch back to Persian when you detect any “concerned” sign on your young daughter. As you add more visual tools to the English play time with your daughter she will feel more and more comfortable and playful. I don’t see a concern with mixing languages.

When your daughter is having a playful time with the target language she will come back for more. She is bonding with you and learning from you. Multilingual parenting needs creativity, flexibility, and consistency.

Answer to question 4

English Room

You have a dedicated room for English. Your daughter’s room is the English room and you only speak English with your daughter in her room. If your husband is comfortable speaking English to your daughter in her room he can definitely be a part of your English team.

However, please handle this with special care. This should be a mutual decision between both parents so there is no stress. Multilingual parenting is a journey and it needs a joyful and loving team.

Answer to question 5

Screen Time

Being exposed to a screen for three hours a day for a 1-year-old toddler is quite a lot. I would recommend decreasing the screen time. Instead, you can use the audio resource of the TV programs or YouTube videos to interact and engage your daughter without having her sitting in front of the television. You can use the video resource to create fun activities for her and play with her in English.

Your interaction with your daughter is very important for language development. Language is communication and interaction. American Academy of Pediatrics recommend “parents prioritize creative, unplugged playtime for infants and toddlers. Some media can have educational value for children starting at around 18 months of age, but it’s critically important that this be high-quality programming […]. Parents of young children should watch media with their child, to help children understand what they are seeing.”

Your conversation with your toddler in English is a back and forth interaction even though she is not talking yet. You talk to your child and she follows your direction. That is like a conversation. She is communicating with you with her movement or action. Your talk with her is language input and it is quality language input.

Answer to question 6

Language during screen time

One way to do this is that you can speak the same language of the programming. If the show you are watching with your daughter is in English you speak English. If it is in Persian you speak Persian. Living room is the common area and you can have some flexibility to fit the need of family time.

If you have any further questions or need clarification, please feel free to add a comment below. Wishing you the best on the multilingual parenting journey!

Question

Hello,

I have been reading the posts on this site for a while, and they are amazing! Thanks for the effort.

I got some questions regarding my son. Background about us: My wife and I were born and raised in Asia, and we’re native Mandarin speakers. We are currently living in North America. My English is more fluent than my wife’s. We speak Mandarin at home.

My son has watched a lot of YouTube English baby song videos, and I taught him several English picture books. He really likes them. And I think he’s more sensitive to English, comparing to Mandarin, because he already picked up a lot of English words, but not many Mandarin words.

I think the reason is he has received more English input than Mandarin input. We don’t have many Mandarin-speaking friends here, so to help my boy play with other kids, we don’t want him only to know how to speak Mandarin. I guess that’s why we didn’t enforce “Mandarin only at home” policy like some parents did.

But I have some concerns:

Since we’re not native English speakers, even we can handle it for now, I’m worrying later he cannot learn native expressions from us, which might be a bad thing for his English.

Should we continue to speak English as long as the kid wants, or should we speak Mandarin to him only?

Thanks,

Answer

Thank you for your question. The language learning concerns you have for your bilingual son are commonly shared by parents who are non-native English speakers living in an English-speaking society. Let’s take a look at a breakdown of the language environment for your son to start with:

Language Environment at Home

Chinese (Mandarin) is the family language used between parents at home.

English is the language that you use to read picture books for your son. Your boy also enjoys watching many English language baby/toddler singing videos.

Language Environment outside of Home

Chinese (Mandarin) is not used in the community. There are not many Chinese-speaking friends in the community. English is the community language.

Currently language preference for your boy

English is your child’s preferred language at this time from your message. Your boy has picked up many English words. As for Chinese, his Chinese vocabulary is not on the same scale as his English and you mentioned that it might be because he has more English language input than Chinese language input.

Overall language input

English appears to be the “fun” language for your son. This is the language he associates with your English story time and baby songs from online programs.

I don’t have the information of the usage of Chinese language in his daily life from your message.

Do you and your wife both speak Mandarin Chinese to him outside of the English story time with you? This is an important question since it will give you an insight into how much English and Chinese language input he has from you and your spouse on a daily basis. You can add it to the above language environment analysis and see a rough percentage usage of both languages. This is a good reference for you when you set up a family language plan.

Concern about English

Young children play together before they can speak a language fluently. You can see that when you visit a baby or toddler playgroup in your community. Young kids interact with each other with or without words. As a child gets older and equips with more developed language skill s/he will use words to interact with peers in the play group.

Teaching your son English at home will help him to communicate with other children who use the community language. It will also help him feel at ease when he is in a social event in the community. At the same time, he is learning from his peers. His English language skills will grow proportionally with his increasing exposure to the language from English language programs, playdates, and schooling.

At this time, your son has been exposed to authentic content input in English from the storybooks and shows you share with him. Authentic texts are defined as “those written and oral communications produced by members of a language and culture group for members of the same language and culture group” (Galloway 1998; Shrum & Glisan, 2010). You are a bilingual parent who is fluent in Chinese and English. Your concern of not being able to teach him native English expressions when he is older will not be an issue as he will enter schools and continue his English language learning with native-speaking teachers and classmates. In the school system, TESOL (Teaching of English as Second Language) teachers are not all native English speakers. Their bilingual ability can guide the students on their ESL journey. Students who enter the ESL program at a young age in a school will gradually move on to regular English programs with their native-speaking peers as they progress.

At the same time, monolingual parents can teach their child a second language by learning the target language themselves and combining the support of books, songs, online programs/resources, and a tutor. Language learning has different stages and you will be growing and learning with your boy together.

Concern about Chinese

Mandarin Chinese appears to be your boy’s first language and the language your family uses at home. Your concern is that if your son does not learn Chinese now it might be hard for him to learn later.

In my teaching experience, I have seen American-born Chinese students learn Chinese well at an older age, such as when they are in middle school, high school, or in college. They have various Chinese language proficiency levels when either one or both of their parents are native Chinese speakers. These are heritage language learners. When a heritage language student comes in with an intermediate or higher level of proficiency they usually have been using Chinese and have been given Chinese language input from their home environments and beyond.

There are also students who reach a novice level of Chinese proficiency because of their formal Chinese study and/or cultural ties to the language. The family language of these students can be a mix of Chinese and community language, or only the community language. Students whose parents are native Chinese speakers can be very motivated to learn more about their heritage language and culture. Some continue learning Chinese after high school and work their way to even higher levels fluency. Therefore, no matter if it is Chinese or not, it is just like learning another language and an older child will go through the same language learning process.

Raising a bilingual child

Your child has an advantage with two native Chinese-speaking parents. He can learn Chinese at home from both of you and he can learn English from one of you. While you are living in North America he can also learn English from community programs, his friends, and school.

His English language input will be very high once he starts school. On the other hand, his Mandarin Chinese language input will rely on the consistent language input from you and your spouse. There are many Chinese learning resources available online and offline. You can also order Chinese children’s books online. You can select craft projects to work with him. You can choose age-appropriate Chinese children’s shows for him. The most important thing is to provide your son sufficient comprehensible Chinese language input, to interact and have fun with him in Chinese daily, and to create the need for your son to use the Chinese language.

Best wishes to you and your family.
Let’s always keep learning fun!

Question

Hello

I’m hoping you might be able to help me. I’m a first-time mummy and very worried about my 22-month-old. 

Her understanding is phenomenal, but she refuses to speak. She will say mama, dada, yaya (grandmummy), daddina (grandfather) and about three other words that she’s learnt on her own. She makes other sounds that I’ve taught her (when she’s made a sound I’ve said “yes that’s what noise an x makes” or whatever) and has her own made up words for some things (dabudah is thank you for some reason!)

After spending months trying to get her to copy sounds she will usually repeat things when asked, but rarely will she offer up a word on her own.

She grunts all the time, even though I don’t automatically give her what she wants (I make her say mama, then ask her questions until I work out what she wants then say “You want mummy to… Okay, now say…”) She is frustrated that she can’t communicate (though probably not as much as me!) 

Recently she’s stopped moving her mouth, forgetting things she’s been able to say a week or so ago., i.e. she could say mah, me, moo and now she just says me. After about 10 minutes, I can get her to say moo, but she won’t articulate it as clearly as she did previously.

Her father is Italian and speaks Italian to her when they’re on their own, but he didn’t speak to her at all for almost a year (he didn’t know what to say apparently!) She doesn’t spend much time with him anyway as he works long hours. I speak English the whole time and we live in London.

Her dexterity is amazing, and she understands quite complex instructions, so I know she can hear and listen and understand perfectly. She adores books and reading – I’ve read to her since she was born (and all the other things suggested including singing, nursery rhymes, objects in a bag). We read every day. She goes to playgroup so sees other children etc.

She never really babbled – if she did it was just repeating a sound rather than made up words.

My husband apparently did not say a single word until he was two and then skipped baby talk and went straight to reasonably complex sentences.

I have listened to some talk back radio around her when I’ve just been so exhausted at the end of the day that my brain is fried, and I literally cannot talk anymore! I haven’t put her under any pressure but recently, I just don’t know what else I can do to help or encourage her. It seems to me she’s got some mental block that I have just run out of ideas on how to get around it.

The only other thing is that quite often she struggles to get a word or a sound out. You can see her trying to say it, but it seems there’s some sort of block. It’s almost like she’s holding it in and struggles to actually ‘spit it out’ (sorry – that’s worded terribly but I don’t really know how to explain it!)

The last couple of weeks I’m finding it really overwhelming, we just seem to be going backwards. I’m upset (which doesn’t help her), and I’ve got no support.

I would be very grateful if you have any suggestions, please!

Many thanks for reading this far!
Kind regards

Answer

Dear,

Thank you for your question. Congratulations to you on the arrival of your first child – it’s a life-changing event for sure! I never saw myself as a person who worried much about anything until my own little girl arrived and suddenly I had loads of worries!

First of all, it’s really good that she understands everything. The language outcomes for children who have delayed expressive language (i.e. talking), but good comprehension are encouraging. And she has two languages, Italian and English. This does not put her at risk of language problems in any way. It’s also wonderful that she loves books. Interacting with her using books is a key way to build her language and communication.

Some general things to bear in mind are that there’s a lot of individual variation in the language development of young children, which can make it difficult to identify delay or who is likely to grow out of it. And there’s also variation in the research in terms of definitions of what late talking actually means in terms of numbers of words used at particular ages.

For example, children are considered late talkers when they are between 18 and 35 months old, understanding what you say to them, BUT they have limited expressive vocabulary. This means that they don’t use a lot of words or a lot or different words and word combinations

To be considered a late talker, all other areas of development need to be typical – things like their play and when they walked, hearing, and so on.

If your child is 24 months old and does not yet use 50 words, they’d be considered a late talker. Elizabeth Peña, a well-reputed researcher, says that between 18-20 months, you should expect your child to be using at least 10 words and those words would be distributed across the two languages. She might have more words in one language than the other. It’s the total amount you’re interested in. About 15% of all children are thought to be late talkers with 50% of them growing out of it without intervention and the other 50% need intervention. But again, it’s hard to work out who will need intervention and who won’t.

Your little girl is using some words – the sounds for cars and animals for example also count as words at this stage. And you describe her as refusing to speak. There are two ways of looking at this. Part of normal development is where children are developing a separate sense of self. It’s called counterwill and is very frustrating for parents! But it’s a good thing in that it shows her emerging sense of self. If she senses pressure on her to perform in relation to talking, then she may well assert her emerging self by refusing. Difficult as it may be, counterwill is a good thing because it shows the emergence of a separate self and helps to ensure that children will be lead only by those to whom they’re attached.

The other way to look at this is in relation to natural communication. It’s not naturally communicative to say to a child “Say car” or “What’s that?” when you know the answer, for example. (You can read more about this and what to do about it here.) The more effective way to encourage her to use the language she has is to create opportunities where she experiences a need to communicate and experiences something positive as a result of her communication. These strategies are called communicative temptations.

You give her lunch, but you don’t give her the spoon she needs to eat it with. Then you wait for her to take her turn and for her to indicate in some way that there’s something amiss. It doesn’t matter what she says or does really – you want her to take a communicative turn and accept her turn as it is. Then, let’s say she says something like boo. You say “There’s no spoon! I forgot the spoon! You need a spoon!” The important thing here is that you say the word without stressing too much – it needs to sound natural. You can watch a quick video on how exactly to that under here. It seems like you are doing this already when you say things like “That’s what noise an x makes”. So keep doing more of that. You’re saying it as she would, if she could.

You have also put a lot of effort into trying to get her to copy sounds. Now you might be coming up against the counterwill here too. Again, we have the issue of what’s communicative and what’s not. You’re right in trying to encourage her to imitate you, but it does need to be done in a natural, fun and games kind of way. What you can do is imitate her. Let’s say you’re playing with blocks and you’re both building towers. She knocks over her tower. Then you knock over yours. She looks at you. That’s her turn. It is your turn next, and you say something like “I knocked it down!”

Another way of encouraging her to use the words she has is to offer her choices: saying things like “Do you want milk or juice?” and waiting for her to take a turn. Let’s say she “grunts”, then you say it as if she would, if she could. Let’s say she says do. Then, like before, you say “You want juice. You like juice. Yummy juice.” I would stop asking her to say mama and focus on working out what she’s trying to communicate to you. When you have it worked out, don’t ask her to say it – there’s no communicative need as you’ve worked it out together. It’s better for you to say it like “You want the red dress…” and so on. It might also help to acknowledge her feelings of frustration by saying things like “Sometimes it’s hard to tell me what you want”.

As for her forgetting words, it’s important to remember that word learning is complex and takes time. It’s not that unusual for toddlers for do this – language development takes a long time! And it might also help to remember that at 22 months, you can expect to understand from 25-75% of what she says. That’s quite a range so don’t expect to understand everything.

When should you consider going to see a speech and language therapist? The Hanen Center in Canada recommends that you refer your child when/if:

• They’re 18 months old and not using at least 20 words, including different types of words, such as nouns or names of things (cup, biccie for biscuit), verbs or doing words (eat, go), prepositions or location words (up, down), adjectives or describing words (hot, mine), and social words (hi, bye). They need different types of words so that they can combine them into phrases like want biccie.

or

• They’re 24 months old and they aren’t using at least 100 words and combining 2 words together. The word combinations need to be original. Phrases like Thank you. I want to. All gone! What’s that? don’t count as genuine phrases. They’re chunks that are learned as one unit. Examples of real word combinations come from the child themselves, that they haven’t heard before. Things like: “kitty gone”, or “dirty dress”.

I think it would be a good idea to see a speech and language therapist who can assess her speech and language in more detail. It’s never too early to see one. We can assess children from a very young age. And it’s better to be referred and not need the referral than need it and be stuck on a waiting list. Please listen to your instinct and ignore comments like “Oh she’s too young to see an SLT”. That’s just not true! And the outcomes for children where the diagnosis is made later are not as positive as when the problem is identified early.

To sum it all up, I’d take the focus off trying to get her to talk or imitate you and focus your attention on what you say and how you say it. Create as many opportunities for her to have a natural need to communicate as possible. Laura Mize who is an American SLP has some great videos on YouTube with fun, natural ways to encourage toddlers to talk. I’d also be kind to myself – you’re doing your best at one of the hardest jobs in the world.

Question

Hello!

Thank you for the helpful articles!

My husband’s mother is Finnish, and all her family is living in Finland or other parts or Europe. Fortunately, they all speak English well so we all can communicate well. However, my parents are Korean American and although they have lived in the US for almost 40 years, they prefer to speak in Korean, their family language.

My kids are now 11 and 13 years old and I really wish I had taught them Korean so they can better communicate with my Korean speaking family. I’m thinking of enrolling them in Korean language classes. My 13-year-old will be taking a foreign language in High School in the fall, but Korean is not an option. 

Any tips?

Answer

Dear,

Thank you for your question as it is a situation that many families encounter when their children are a bit older and they didn’t speak a family language regularly. You don’t mention where you live right now. Is there a Korean speaking community? Are there peers who could speak Korean with your children? I understand that you haven’t spoken Korean with your children so far, at least not on a regular basis. What is their opinion about learning Korean now?

As Korean is not an option at school, I would suggest that you start as soon as possible, when you and your children are ready, to introduce the language.

You won’t necessarily need to “teach” them Korean in a formal way, but you can start with repeating the sentences you say in English, in Korean, in order to model the language you want them to learn.
I would start with topics that your children like – music, sports, what they like reading etc. I would suggest you start in the weekends, when they are less tired from school, and when you all have more time to talk and communicate.

I mentioned before that it is important that your children are willing to learn your family langauge, Korean. They should agree with this plan and I would suggest you make it “official”. This worked perfectly with some of my clients who introduced a family language later: when children committed officially to learning the new language (yes, they signed an official agreement; if you want, I can share a sample with you) they are motivated and invest more time into it, which is necessary. The reason for emphasizing this official aspect is because 13-year-olds want to be in charge, and they need a clear guideline or plan for whatever they commit to.

You can start with a few hours in the weekends, where you can talk about topics they are interested in, or that they are studying for school, and introduce some key words here and there, modelling all they are saying in Korean. I suggest that you are in charge of the language because you are the main reason for them to learn the family language.

You can also enrol them in Korean language classes, but I would combine these with what I just mentioned you would do with them at home.

In whichever way you introduce Korean, they need to be ready for it and find it interesting. Also ask your parents if they can help you with this; if they would agree to speaking Korean with your children, at least every now and then.

I have one last question: how fluent do you want your children to become? If you want them to become fluent in speaking as well as reading and writing, it might take a while. If your main goal for them is to be able to speak and maybe read, I personally think it would be a more realistic goal to achieve in the next five years, especially if you consider that the expectations for other subject areas is going to be increasing in the coming years. Nevertheless: it is never too late, and it is always worth it to learn a home language!

I am looking forward to your responses and wish you all the best!

With kind regards

Question

Dear Rita and the Multilingual Parenting Team,

Thank you so much for this invaluable resource! I came across it today after a long discussion with my wife about our one-year-old son and our future plans, and wondered if it would be possible to help us out. I’ve read several other topics regarding trilingual children, but none of them quite cover our exact situation.

For context: I am English, my wife is Ukrainian. We lived straddled between Cyprus and Ukraine for the first year of our son’s life, but now I have a job trial in Germany and I am keen to move over there. I speak English fluently, and studied German and Russian at university: my German is the stronger, but given my exposure to Russian daily, it’s catching up. My wife speaks Russian and Ukrainian, and studied English and German at university. Her English is excellent; her German is the weakest of all of our languages. We generally speak a mixture of English and Russian at home, predominantly English. I speak to my son in English, and she speaks to him in Russian and occasionally Ukrainian.

I’m keen to move to Germany, but my wife is worried: she’s concerned that if we move, our son (and any future children) will have German as their ‘dominant’ language: he will speak German at kindergarten, school, with his friends etc., and my wife is worried that he will lose his sense of identity (i.e. rather than feeling like a child of British-Ukrainian parents, he will feel German), and that she won’t be able to understand his mentality because he’ll essentially grow up culturally German, and different to both her and myself.

I don’t share her fears; I think it will be a great thing if he were to learn English, German, Russian (and possibly Ukrainian) and be fluent in each. It matters very little to me which language he will ‘prefer’ to speak in, as long as he CAN speak at least English and Russian to enable him to communicate with our respective families – German would be, for me, a wonderful bonus.

Do you have any advice that might allay my wife’s fears? How do we, in our situation, ensure that all languages get equal exposure and that our son grows up learning all three? Do you agree with the idea that our son might grow up distinctly different to the two of us because he’ll grow up in a different country to us? 

I appreciate the time taken to read this message, and would hugely appreciate your advice in this matter as it’s getting close to crunch time. I may have a job in Germany soon, while my wife doesn’t know if she’s ready to have a German child, and there has been no shortage of tears.

Thank you very much, and I look forward to a possible response.

Answer

Dear Mark,

Thank you very much for this question. I completely understand your wife’s’ concern about German becoming your son’s dominant language if you move to Germany and he attends German daycare and schools. You don’t mention where you are going to move to: if the environment is more local or international, if there are possibilities for your son to attend a bilingual or international school, or a local school with a high percentage of children coming from other countries.

A more international environment would surely help him not to feel the only one being “different” and could help foster his heritage cultures and languages. If English and Russian will be supported by daycare, school, and your friends and colleagues, and if he finds some peers who share these languages, it shouldn’t be a problem to maintain these languages.

Raising a child with multiple languages and transmitting values and beliefs from different cultures is not easy, but many families do it, and in Germany you shouldn’t have problems to find resources to do so, i.e. books, audio material, videos, playgroups in the other languages etc. You could already try to find out if there are expat groups or international groups that talk Ukrainian or Russian in the area you are moving to. There might also already be playgroups your son could go to.

If your son will attend a German daycare and school, it will become his dominant language, also the societal language will be German. It will cost you a bit more energy to maintain the other languages too, but it is feasible.

When it comes to language preferences, we parents can’t predict what our children will like or dislike. I have three children who growing up abroad and each one of them has different language preferences. They are all multilingual, and so are I and my husband, and I’m happy that we can find 2-3 languages we all love speaking with each other.

You are asking about “equal exposure” in all the languages. Again, it depends on where you will live and what your everyday routine will look like. There will always be one or two languages that are more dominant, this is very normal and shouldn’t make you worry. Please always consider the long-term plan. I suppose this is that your son will become fluent (speak, read and write?) in all the languages. If he learns to read and write in one language first, this doesn’t mean that he will always lack behind in the other ones. It will only mean that he will need more energy to keep up with them all.

Your son will grow up differently from you and your wife already because he is not your peer. Even if he would grow up in one of your passport countries, many things have changed since you went to daycare and school, and if you would live in another town, the situation would already be slightly different. I often make the comparison between city and countryside, north and south, east and west: there are some huge differences in every country already at this level. Of course, your son will have a different childhood than you and your wife had, and he will grow up in another country.

I grew up abroad, in a different country to my parents country of origin, and my children are growing up in yet another country, so even if their experience of growing up as “foreigners” is similar to mine, they will grow up in another culture. It is a very interesting and enriching experience on so many levels! Research says that children who grow up abroad are more open minded and flexible, they are very good at languages and at understanding other cultures and mindsets.

In fact, your child will be growing up not only with several languages but also with a broader set of values and beliefs. You and your wife will find out what aspects of German culture you want to adopt and what not, your son might have other ideas about this and I’m sure it will be an interesting journey to discover this together as a family. Maybe there are some aspects of German culture that you dislike or don’t want your child to adopt: it could be a solution to make this clear from the beginning for you and your wife.

Please keep in mind that adjusting to a new place and culture doesn’t mean that we must fully integrate and adopt all values, beliefs, traditions and behaviours. We always have the option to choose what is acceptable for us. To make a simple example, if you don’t like the Weisswurst (typical in Bavaria), you don’t need to eat it. There are many options: you may prefer a Brezen instead. And what applies to food applies to all the other domains of life in that country.  Your son won’t become German only by growing up there. He might adapt and adopt a certain Germanness, but you and your wife will too.

I had the impression by reading your message that your wife is scared of your son becoming too German because of this culture being not one she wants her son to grow up in. If I am right about this, you may want to ask your wife if she would have the same concerns if the country wouldn’t be Germany but, for example, France or Italy?

I hope I managed to answer your questions for the moment. I would like to know your answers to mine so that I can help you become clearer about these aspects too. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

I wish you and your family all the best in taking the right decision for you, your wife and your son.

With best regards

Question

Hi!

My daughter just turned two and I’ve been speaking to her in Cantonese since she was born. My husband has been speaking to her in Korean. She currently speaks both languages well. We live in the US, so community language is English.

I have yet to introduce her to English other than the alphabets which she knows. I plan to homeschool her, and I found that the curriculums I want to use are all in English which means she’ll have to learn English from me eventually.

My question is: when is a good age to introduce her to English, and what’s the best way to do so since I only speak to her in Cantonese?

Answer

Dear Jade,

What a great bilingual start for your daughter with Cantonese and Korean!

I understand your concern on introducing the local language to your daughter, but I suppose that your daughter has contact with local children on playgrounds already? If so, she is already picking up the language in the most natural way. It might be that she doesn’t speak it (yet), but she might already understand what other children are telling or asking her. If this is not the case, I would recommend that you increase her exposure to English. As you are living in the US and it is a full immersion situation, this shouldn’t be a problem.

If you want to find out how much she understands English, try to observe how she interacts with children on the playground – without pressure. When a child comes to her, does she interact, understand or try to understand what the child wants from her? How can she make herself understood when playing with peers?

It is crucial for her to communicate with peers, with people outside of the family in general as it helps her to integrate into the society and become more self-confident with others and with the language. Maybe you already do this, but attending playgroups or doing activities with local children (music, dance, art… whatever she likes) she not only learns important social skills, but also acquires the local language in the most natural and fun way.

She is two years old and short sentences and concepts will be easy to acquire. But for her to do this consistently, there must be a “need” and it should be fun and natural for her. At home, you can support her improving her vocabulary by listening to children’s songs and nursery rhymes. Once she understands the necessity and the pleasure of understanding and talking English, she will do so naturally and you may not need to teach her to speak English.

When you start homeschooling her, you will find guidelines on where to start (usually it’s with sounds) in the program you follow. You don’t mention the state you live in, so I can’t give you specific advice or help.

I would also recommend to get in touch with other homeschooling parents in your area. They can give you plenty of advice about how and when to start and they usually meet with their children anyways for some group activities.

There are different methods to homeschool. Did you decide already which one you want to follow? Does this method or system include foreign language teaching? If not, have you thought about when to start introducing reading and writing in Cantonese and Korean? I usually advise to wait until a child is confident in one language before introducing another alphabet and language. But it always depends on the child, too. If a child shows interest in reading for example books in the other language, it’s a good sign that she is ready to learn it.

I know it’s still very early, but there are many resources available also over internet. If you need any help with that, don’t hesitate to contact us again.

I’m looking forward to knowing how it is going with your daughter. Please keep us informed!

I wish you the best of success.

Question

Dear Rita and all Family Language Coaches,

First of all congratulations and many thanks for your website, such a great resource!

Like many of your visitors me and my husband have diverse international backgrounds and are currently considering the best language constellation for when our son is born later this year.

My husband is German and we live in Germany at the moment. He is also fluent in English. He would like to speak to our son in German. I’m Italian and can speak it well but not perfectly. I grew up abroad and attended an English-speaking school and University so English is my best language. My level of German is fluent, slightly below my Italian. My husband can’t speak Italian.

I would love my son to be able to speak all three languages so he can keep the Italian heritage and converse with everyone from both our families (some ‘only’ speak one of the three languages). We are wondering, however, if exposure to three languages from birth may be too much and whether it’s best to stick to two and introduce a third when he’s older?

The options we’re considering and would be very grateful for your advice on are the following:

Option 1
Mum with child: Italian
Dad with child: German
Mum with dad: English
As a family English School: German

Option 2
Mum with child: English
Dad with child: German
Mum with dad: English
As a family: English School: German

Option 3
Mum with child: Italian
Dad with child: German
Mum with Dad: German & English
Family language: German
School: German

Answer

Dear Sara,

I hope you don’t mind me telling you that we had a similar situation with our son and started with three languages in the family from day one (Italian, German, Swissgerman), and it was no problem at all.

I would say that as long as you and your husband feel comfortable with the languages you choose to talk to your son and among you as a couple, I don’t see what should go “wrong”.

I am impressed on how thorough you planned the three options! It seems to me that you have read all the articles on this site to find the right family language strategy and I guess you already have a preference for one of them? Anyway, all three options you’ve listed are very interesting and I will share my thoughts about every single one here below.

Option 1

You mention that your Italian is not as “spontaneous” and not your strongest language, but I understand that your part of the family talks mainly (or exclusively?) Italian, therefore it would be a need for your son to learn Italian in order to communicate with family, right? – If you choose this option, I would ask you to see if you feel comfortable with speaking Italian to your son. You may still know some nursery rhymes, stories (and still have maybe Italian storybooks?) that can help you with this?

Having English as a family language is a great idea, but how will he learn English if nobody talks it with him one-on-one? And when would the “family language” happen? When you are all in one room together? What if one person leaves the room and comes in again: would you then switch from one language to the other in a sentence?

I would recommend using one of the parents’ languages as family language.

I suppose you want your son to learn English at least to some extent, right? He will end up understanding it even if none of you would directly talk English to him.

Option 2

This option might be slightly easier for you as you seem to feel more comfortable talking English, right? At this point I might ask: how would you transmit Italian to your son? Would you consider introducing it later? When? And for what purpose?

Using English as family language makes way more sense in this option than in option 1 and as the dominant language where you live is German, it would support the “minority” language at home.

Option 3

Is very similar to option 1, with the difference that you will switch between English and German with your husband and you choose German as family language.

I can imagine that you and your husband switch between German and English anyway, which is totally normal in multilingual families.

I would advise though to choose one language to talk to each other in front of your son as you want him to stick to English with you and German with your husband. I always ask parents to think about the interaction at the dinner table: who speaks what with whom?

Choosing German as family language, having your husband talking German to your son and the school being in German makes me I worry a bit about English and Italian.

What you need to decide first is to find out which option is more natural and feasible for you and your husband. Which option would require you less effort? Raising a child with multiple languages requires a good plan, consistency and commitment. And please consider also the needs you, your husband and your son have to talk these languages regularly.

I see that Italian might be the “weakest” language in these scenarios: who else would provide regular input in Italian for your son? Are there friends, children, family who would talk to him on a regular basis?

What about English? Will there be other persons in your environment talking English with him?

I ask this because at some point he will need to talk these languages with more than only his parents. Children who talk the same language and people he sees regularly will be important for him to maintain the languages in the future.

Last but not least, I would ask you to think about the expectations you have concerning the language proficiency of your son. These are long term goals and I am perfectly aware that it is very early for that. Many parents want that their children become “perfectly fluent” in all the languages, but you know from your very own experience that this is not realistic. Which are the languages that are the most important for your son to become fluent in? I suppose German – as it is the school language and the language of part of his family. What about Italian? English? Will your son learn English or Italian at school at some point?

I’m sorry to ask all these questions, but my intent is to make you think about the consequences of your decision. In five and ten years from now, what would you like your son to talk (write and read)? If you can answer all these questions, you will find out which option is the best for you and your son.

Please let me know how what you decided.

Question

Hello

Me and my husband: I was born and raised in Latvia (Latvian native language), and my husband was born and raised in Italy (Italian language). We both learned English in school, and we communicate in English between us. We live in Italy.

We would love our daughter to speak Latvian, Italian and English. Our daughter: is 2.5 years old. I am a stay-at-home mom, and she spends most of her time with me. We communicate in English. My husband (every evening) and his family (1-2 days a week) speaks with her in Italian. Her books, toys, educational tools and videos are both in Italian and English. I have no worries about her learning Italian language, as she has great exposure to it. In fact, she understands everything in English, but choses to communicate with everyone using Italian words.

Our concern: We would love that she also speaks Latvian, as that is the only language she can use to communicate with family of my side. She only speaks with them one hour a week on a video call but does not understand them.

How can we implement Latvian language in our daily lives to not confuse everyone and specially her? Also, I feel like my English vocabulary is not good enough, and I could teach her more vivid and rich language if we would speak Latvian, instead of English. I am starting to regret choosing English as our main language, and I would like to know if it is too late for me to switch totally to Latvian?

She would have exposure to 3 languages:
Latvian – me and my family
Italian – my husband, his family and community outside the house
English – between me and my husband, movies, books etc

Looking forward to your answer.

Answer

Thank your question about raising Marlene to be trilingual, learning not only Italian and English, but also introducing Latvian, which is the heritage language of her maternal relatives.

Let me answer your last question first: no, you are definitely not too late with switching to Latvian with your daughter. You do also not need to worry about confusing her. Children cope well with being spoken to in several languages. It will not be a quick change, but it can be done.

You are right in your assumption that Marlene will become a fluent Italian-speaker. Italian will become her most dominant language if you continue living in Italy. The reason she is answering in Italian and not English, is that this is what she finds easiest right now. Children are pragmatic and will initially use the language they can communicate best in. This changes once their other language skills improve and they start differentiating who speaks what. Italian is also the language that most people in her life speak to her. She may spend more time with you, but everyone else, including other relatives, friends, and the rest of the society and media are in Italian. She will also be used to you understanding when she speaks Italian, so there is no real need for her to express herself in English at the moment.

Having experienced a language switch with my daughter, I know that Marlene may initially be reluctant to accept that you start speaking Latvian with her. It is best to ease her into Latvian in a way that she finds fun and interesting. The key to a child picking up a language is that there is a need and a want LINK for the child to use it. The task for us parents is to find a way to create an environment where these criteria are fulfilled. As every child is different, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, so I will make some suggestions for you to try out so you can see what works in your family.

You, Agneta, will mostly be the only person speaking Latvian with Marlene – apart from the weekly calls with your daughter. I know how difficult it can be to get small kids to participate in calls, so for some time still, the Latvian exposure will be down to you.

As this is a change to what you have been doing for two and a half years, one of the biggest challenges for yourself will be to remember to speak Latvian and to keep on doing it even if Marlene is initially not interested. Your best bet is to introduce a routine of when to speak Latvian. Based on experience from other families, it is best not to only rely on deciding to use Latvian. It happens so quickly that you switch back to English only, because it is easier and faster to make yourself understood. (Please do not be upset with yourself when this happens, this occurs in every who has done this.)

It is essential that you are both agreed on passing on Latvian to Marlene. One idea is for Andrea to join in when you are introducing new words. For example, you could do this when you are all together at breakfast or dinner. You can hold up a fork, say the word in Latvian and then Andrea repeats it, encouraging Marlene to join in. In this way Andrea would be modelling the learning process for her and showing that it is fun to speak Latvian. Depending on her personality, it could even become a bit of a contest between dad and Marlene, about who remembers more Latvian words. I would give her the enjoyment of “winning” to make this a pleasant experience for her. Children also love to surprise their parents, so showing admiration and awe when she uses a Latvian word is a good way to give positive feedback.

With Marlene being only two, toys are a fun way to introduce a new language. I have written about this in my article about monolingual toys and you can find further ideas there. You could ask your relatives send over something from Latvia, but equally well, you can just assign a new toy that she likes to be a Latvian-only-speaker.

Look for Latvian versions of songs that she is familiar with and sing them for her. If the songs are accompanied by actions, even better, e.g. head-shoulder-knees-and-toes type of songs. Remember to make the toy join in with you! If you allow any screen time for Marlene, watch Latvian cartoons together, explaining them as you watch. Choose simple ones to start with, repeat what is said and use the odd English word to explain where necessary.

One of the most effective – if not THE most effective – way of encouraging a child’s minority language use is to immerse them in the language. This is easiest to achieve through visits to where the language is spoken. So whenever possible, take Marlene to Latvia to allow her to experience Latvia, its language and culture in a fully immersive way. It is important for minority language children to see their language in context, so they do not grow up thinking this is something only mum (or dad) speaks.

As mentioned, this is not going to be a quick process, but is perfectly doable. Be patient with yourself and your daughter and don’t give uo, even when it may feel that you are not making any progress. You are, it just takes some time to show. And you are giving your daughter a gift that will last a lifetime and connect her to her heritage and extended family.

Wishing you a successful trilingual family journey!

Question

Hello,

I am a Spanish-speaker, my husband is a German-speaker and we live in England. Our three-year-old speaks very fluently both Spanish and German. She is remarkably good in both; I would say at least as good as children being raised with just one language. Her English is getting better but much more slowly and less fluent, since she doesn’t watch television (we don’t own one). She sometimes watches Netflix, and only things in both Spanish and German. I am not saying that television teaches them language, just how little exposed to it at home.

My husband and I speak mostly English with each other but, especially during mealtimes our own languages, since our “language police” doesn’t allow us to speak each other’s language and feels left out if we speak English all the time. I am not worried about her English not being as good, as she is really social, and she interacts with children who are either Spanish-speakers, German-speakers and of course at nursery, her “best” friends are English-speakers.

I am more worried about maintaining the learning of both Spanish and German. She is doing really well, but once school starts, she might switch to only speaking English and leave behind both our languages. We don’t have plans of leaving the UK so far, and I would feel so strange to speak to her in any other language.

My question is, should we enrol her in some sort of language school for German and Spanish and if so, should it be in both languages at the same time? I have observed other kids who were really fluent in their parents’ languages not speaking them at all anymore. Our girl is doing so well, it would be a real shame.

Answer

Dear Ana

Thank you for your question about maintaining your two family languages, German and Spanish, for your trilingual child, a 3-year-old daughter, who is growing up in an English-speaking environment.

Let me start with saying how impressed I am with your little girl’s language skills! Being confident in speaking two languages and well on the way to learning a third is fantastic at that age. This bodes well for her future as a trilingual.

Another thing which is very encouraging is that she acts as your “language police”. This means that you have established a routine where she expects you to speak German with her and her dad should stick to his native Spanish when he speaks with her. Make sure you maintain this routine and it will be your best “defence” against English taking over as her preferred language with you and your husband when she goes to school.

Your question is whether she should also attend some German and Spanish classes to strengthen her family language skills. If you find some weekend classes that she would enjoy taking part in, by all means, go for it. Before enrolling her, make sure that there will be age-appropriate tuition and that the teacher will have a chance to adapt according to the children’s language skills. For her age, the tuition should be play-based with a lot of activities. The classes may be of great help once you want her to learn to read and write in German and Spanish, as this is something parents often struggle to find time to do.

There are however many other ways you can support her German and Spanish, here are a few ideas for your trilingual child:

1. Find other families with children who speak your languages and arrange playdates. The effect of seeing other children speak their languages is very powerful for children who are learning more than one language at home.
2. Involve the extended family in regular online calls, so your daughter gets used to speaking the language with other adults as well. Depending on her patience, you could even have someone read for her. Check this post for further ideas.
3. Arrange visits to areas where Spanish or German is spoken. The experience of being immersed in a language and seeing that it is used everywhere in the community, in media by other families etc. “normalises” the language. It is no longer only something used in your family.
4. Create dedicated language areas for German and Spanish in the home. These could be for example in her room. One area for everything German: books, music, toys (monolingual toys are a great help), albums with pictures of German relatives and friends, souvenirs – anything you can think of. And a similar area for Spanish.
5. When you watch children’s programmes in either of the home languages, sit with your daughter. Make the viewing experience an interactive one by discussing the characters and the plot. You can even stop and ask questions during it, for example: What do think the rabbit will do next? Where will they go now? Why did she do that?
6. If possible, try to lessen the amount of English spoken in the home. How well do you understand each other’s languages? Have you ever tried a bilingual conversation where you speak Spanish and your husband speaks German? This approach would have the added benefit of both of you learning more of the other’s native language.
7. Make sure you keep up with the vocabulary she is learning in English once she goes to school. She will need the right words and phrases in German and Spanish when she wants to tell you about her day. Remember that she has been immersed in English all day, and if she is eager to tell you something when she comes home and does it in English, let her share her news. You can have the discussion again later in the evening and recap it all in the home languages.

The most important thing is however that both you and your husband are consistent in speaking your native languages when you address your daughter directly. While mixing the languages will not confuse her, it is a question of maximising the amount of exposure to German and Spanish, when English gets a more dominant role in her life.

Wishing you a successful trilingual family journey!

Question

Hello,

I have a question regarding raising a trilingual child. I was raised bilingual by my German father and English mother. I grew up in Germany but have spent a substantial amount of time living in the UK also. My husband is French and we live in France with our 17-month-old daughter.

I am currently speaking English and my husband speaks French to her. Our family language is English; however, we do switch quite a bit at times. I haven’t really introduced German to her yet apart from reading books, singing songs and speaking to family and friends in German when she is around. I would however like to change that and am wondering which is the best approach.

I am worried that I am too late already and it will only confuse her if I now start to speak German to her. The initial reason for me to speak English to her was that my husband doesn’t speak German and we wanted him to be able to understand her first words.

I read in one of your blog post about the consultant who speaks one language for two weeks and then switches to the other for the next two. I quite like this approach and am thinking of giving it a try. Can you give me any tips on how to start this with my daughter in order to avoid her feeling confused and overwhelmed?

Many thanks in advance for your help!

Answer

Hello,

Thank you for your question. It sounds like you have had a great beginning to your multilingual journey. If I understand correctly, you would like advice about how to implement a two-week language period that would allow you to transmit two separate languages to your child?

First of all, I would like to reassure you that it is not too late, especially if you have already been reading and singing to your daughter. She has also no doubt acquired some German passively when you have spoken German to family and friends. In short, she has already been exposed to German and is still at a tender age where she can quite easily acquire a third language without becoming confused or overwhelmed.

To answer your question, I started using the two-week system to transmit two mother languages to my oldest children when they were 4 and 2 years old. (My children are now 15, 13, 10 and 4 and we are still using the same system.) At the time we began using this family language strategy, we explained to our children in simple words why we wanted them to learn each of their three languages and how we would work as a family to achieve this goal. They were quite excited to try something new! I think you can do the same with your daughter even though she is only 17 months old. Children can understand so much more than we sometimes give them credit for! And for me, this small act was a key ingredient to our success. Involving the children in planning how we would achieve our multilingual goals, made them actors in the process. They consequently felt more implicated in the goal and had a greater desire to participate on a daily basis.

Just for your information, we initially tried an every-other-day system, and found that daily language switching was too mentally strenuous. I had read about a family switching once a month, which we felt would be too long of a time period and so we finally decided on trying to switch languages every two weeks, which has been working quite well for the past 11 years.

We personally use weekends for switching languages because we are usually a bit more relaxed than during the busy work/school week, and also have more time to spend together. Being together means there are more opportunities for language interaction, a key element in actively acquiring a language.

Switching from one language to the other usually takes our family two full days. Friday night I often announce to the kids that we will be switching languages the following morning in order to get everyone mentally prepared. We begin the switch on Saturday morning and then confuse languages on Saturday and Sunday, remind each other often what language period it is when we speak the “wrong” language and by Monday we have more or less made the complete language switch.

There are somethings that you can do to make the language transition easier… Special books in the target language, songs, a special meal from the target language country, etc.

Also, to help us take full advantage of the language period, I try to plan as many interactive activities as possible: cooking and baking, nature walks, board games, books and songs so that we can get as much practice as we can in a variety of different contexts. This helps to increase vocabulary and build oral expression.

Using this system does require a bit of discipline, but it is a wonderful way for one parent to transmit two languages to his or her child(ren). What’s important is for both parents (and the children as much as possible) to discuss the family language plan and to decide together the best way to proceed. When everyone has been involved in the decision-making process and shares the same multilingual goals, the chances for success dramatically increase.

If I could add one more bit of advice to this already long answer… Make it fun! Play and learn as you go. When children learn as they play, their motivation to progress is so much greater. So make language learning natural, simple and fun!

Please let me know if I can clarify anything for you or if you need any additional advice.

Best of luck to you!

Question

Hi there,

My daughter Ophelia is five years old. She was born in the French Caribbean, I am English, and her father is French. She attended a French nursery until last year and could speak French very well (for a 4-year-old!). She has always spoken English with me, since I do not speak French. 

Unfortunately, we were affected by the devastating hurricanes last year and myself and my daughter moved to England where she started English school in year R. She has thrived and is starting to read, since we returned she doesn’t want to speak French and says she doesn’t understand when her father tries to speak French with her via Skype.

My daughter and I are moving to Montreal due to my work and she will be attending French Kindergarten and then moving on to a French school for her future education. I am now a single parent and I am worried that I will not be a part of her education in the future.

My question is, how can I give her an English education whilst she is at school in Canada? What learning tools can I support her with so that she doesn’t fall behind with English speaking, writing and learning?

Answer

Hello,

Thank you for your inquiry, I hope I will be able to offer you some advice and direction for your bilingual journey with your daughter.

If I understand correctly, your daughter Ophelia has been raised bilingual in a French-speaking environment and with an English-speaking mother (and more recently in an English-speaking environment and school. You are now concerned that when you move to Montréal and Ophelia is schooled in French that she may lose her English in a similar fashion as she claims to not understand French anymore.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the task ahead when you realize your daughter will most likely adopt the community language (French) in Montréal and that you will be alone in transmitting the minority language and mother language (English) to your daughter.

First of all, take comfort in the fact that she has been raised bilingual in her first five years of life. Rest assured that she has solid bases, even though it may be at an elementary level. Take comfort also in the fact that the two of you have always spoken English. There is an emotional bond that is created in the primary language(s) spoken between mother and child that is difficult to erase.

If it is what both you and your daughter desire, continue to speak English at home even when you live in Montréal. This will create a continuity in your common language and will help your daughter feel grounded through the transition of changing countries yet once again. Talk with your daughter. She may only be 5 years old, but can already understand so much. Explain to her how important it is that she continues to speak English. Ask for her opinion of how she thinks she might be able to maintain her English even though you will be living in a French speaking community. Getting her involved in the decision making will help her feel responsible and increase her motivation to maintain the English language, even when she will slowly but surely adopt the French language.

There are other things you can do as well to maintain English after moving to Montréal, where the majority language is French. Keep her interest level high by varying the activities and motivation. Here’s a list of a few ideas:

– Read books in English.

– Learn English nursery rhymes or songs and playing anglophone music in the home.

– Keep your English culture alive through decorations in your home, movies, food, etc.

– Watch movies in English (especially easy to do with most DVD’s and Blu-Rays).

– Trips to England to visit family and friends so that there is a real need created to speak the language.

– Visit other English-speaking areas (in Canada or the United States, for example).

Tell your daughter how important it is for you to have her speak your mother language. Get her involved and make the learning process as fun as possible. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how well she will do.

Best of luck to you and please don’t hesitate to write again!

Question

Hello! 

My name is Caroline and I am a native English speaker who has since become nearly fluent in Spanish. My husband is a native Korean speaker who speaks English as his second language. I have been studying Korean and am at an intermediate level. My fiancé is at a pretty advanced English level, but still struggles with grammar. He does not speak any Spanish. Together, we speak Korean for daily activities and English for more complicated subjects.

My family speaks only English, and my husband only Korean. We currently live in Korea, but are also considering moving back to the United States. We are hoping to start having kids soon, and so are considering how we could raise our children. My question is if there is a way to incorporate all three languages into our family? Especially since I am not a native Spanish speaker. But, I love Spanish so much and want to pass it onto my kids.

In Korea, however, I am one of the only Spanish-speakers I know. If we move back to America, I know we would have easier access to Spanish, but I am nervous we would have limited access to Korean, which could harm our children in communicating with their grandparents. 

Answer

Thank you for writing to us and for laying out your family language situation so carefully.

If I understand correctly, you would like to transmit three languages to your future children without putting into jeopardy either of your heritage languages, especially Korean due to potentially limited resources should you choose to live in the United States.

I think that the first thing to consider, as you have already done for yourself and your spouse, is to recognize the varying degrees of proficiency and skill levels in a language. As you have noted through your own experience, being bilingual (or multilingual) does not mean each of the languages is mastered in the same way. This can and will be the same for your children.

Raising bilingual children allows parents the ability (to a certain degree) to decide what set of language skills and what level of proficiency they want their children to develop. So, for example, since English and Korean are your heritage languages, you will probably want to put a greater emphasis on these languages as they will be needed to communicate with family members and to potentially thrive in the place you choose to live. This, however, should not impede you from adding an additional language with a smaller set of language skills and/or a lower level of proficiency that would allow you to focus on your heritage languages.

Secondly, where you live will obviously make an impact on language. Generally speaking, once children reach the age to attend school, they typically adopt the community language. Your efforts in the home therefore need to counterbalance this natural tendency by placing a greater emphasis on the minority language(s). If you remain in Korea, Korean will be the community language your children will most likely choose, and you will therefore need to place greater emphasis on English (and Spanish) in the home. If, however, you make the choice to live in the United States, your emphasis will need to be on Korean (and Spanish) in the home.

Finally, I’d like to address your concern regarding the lack of resources in Korean should you move to the United States. This is an important element to consider and a situation you will want to anticipate and plan for. You will need all the support you can get to maintain a heritage language that is less mainstream than English or Spanish.

At the top of this list, I would put frequent family trips to the heritage land, as often as you can afford. These trips help create ties to the heritage land and language that will in turn create a natural need and desire to speak the heritage language, especially if family members or close friends are involved.

Emotional bonds are so important for instilling a natural need and desire to communicate in the target language. This, however, can also be created in simple ways beyond traveling. Storytime with colourful, authentic literature from the heritage country, specialty food items being incorporated into your family meals, movies and cartoons in the heritage language and Skype calls with family members in the heritage land. You can also seek out support groups by finding other young parents with similar linguistic goals for play dates or just for the parents to chat.

I would add one final piece of advice about how to manage three languages in your home by referring you to this article about how I personally adapted the one parent one language (OPOL) to transmit three languages in the home. It requires a bit of discipline and a little creativity, but it can be done.

I wish you the best of luck in your linguistic endeavours. Please don’t hesitate to write again should you require clarification on any of these points.

Question

Hello,

My name is Alexandra, I have a 10-month-old baby and I would like some advice about teaching her multiple languages. I come from Romania, my husband is from Mauritius Island and we live in Germany, but we speak English with each other.

My native language is Romanian (speaking daily with family and friends from home). English we speak at home and German socially with friends, colleagues etc here where we live. My husband speaks Creole (native language) with family, English, French, Romanian and German.

We would like to teach our baby both our native languages, English because this is what we talk at home and French or German (planning to move from Germany in about two years, but still considering that knowing German would be a good asset).

I am the main caregiver of the baby and planning to stay home with her until she is at least two years old. My husband comes home late in the afternoon when it is almost her sleeping time. He is home with her in the weekends.

In this situation, what methods should we use in order to teach her other languages? How many could we teach her from now on? Currently I speak with my daughter three languages and I don’t know if I’m not confusing her too much. I speak for one week Romanian, the next week German and when my husband is at home we all speak English.

Answer

Hello Alexandra,

Thank you for your inquiry. Yours is truly a polyglot situation with your numerous languages between you and your spouse!

Before I begin to answer your questions, I have created a diagram to understand your multilingual family language setup. Please correct me if there are things I have misunderstood. I also have a few additional questions for you.

If I understand correctly, your family language goals are to transmit the native languages (Romanian and Creole), the family language (English), the community language (German) and/or an additional language (French). I have assumed Creole because you said native languages, but you don’t mention it specifically as a language goal for your child.

You only mentioned that you speak English with your daughter when you are together. Does this mean he only speaks English, or does he also speak (or plan to speak) Creole with her? As an observation, transmitting Romanian to your daughter will ensure that she is also able to communicate with your friends and family in Romania, since this is how you currently communicate with them.

However, what about friends and family in the Mauritius Island. Will she be able to communicate with them in English or French or will she need to speak Creole as your husband does currently? This brings me to an additional question about French. Is your desire to potentially teach your daughter French related to the fact that it is one of the official languages in the Mauritius Island? You didn’t specifically mention it, but do you speak French?

As far as your method is concerned, time and place is an excellent way to make a clear distinction between languages and to transmit multiple languages (three in your family situation: Romanian, German and English). So now you would like to know how to transmit additional languages: French and/or Creole.

My personal feeling is that more than three languages becomes challenging not because it will confuse the child, but because it means that each of the languages receives less quality time. To create an optimal learning environment, I would recommend limiting yourselves to three languages while she is still young.

As a suggestion, I would advise that your husband also speak to your daughter in the heritage language he wishes to transmit (either French or Creole). Your family language could remain English and you could continue to transmit Romanian and/or German. Also, as a suggestion, as you will only be in Germany for the next two years, consider temporarily dropping the German.

In conclusion, you would speak Romanian to her, your spouse would speak French or Creole to her, and your family language would be in English. This would allow you to transmit three languages in a solid manner. She would also most likely acquire German passively as it is the community language where you live, and as you use it in diverse social and professional situations.

Based on the information you gave and what I perceive to be your family language goals, this is one scenario I have created for you that would allow you to qualitatively transmit three family/heritage languages.

Please don’t hesitate to respond here should you require further advice.